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Have you ever had a “friend” who vanishes when life gets tough? Welcome to the world of fair-weather friends. These so-called pals are masters of the disappearing act, showing up only when the sun is shining. Let’s dive into this frustrating phenomenon that many Africans in the diaspora face
Fair-weather friends aren’t new to our communities. They’ve been around since our great-grandmothers were pounding yam. The Yoruba proverb “A mọ ẹni tí a fẹ́ràn, ṣùgbọ́n a kò mọ ẹni tí ó fẹ́ràn wa” (We know who we love, but we don’t know who loves us) speaks directly to this age-old problem of fickle friendships.
Let’s break down the types of fair-weather friends you might encounter in the diaspora:
1. The Owambe Opportunist
This fair-weather friend shows up to every naming ceremony, decked out in the latest aso-ebi, ready to spray money like a malfunctioning sprinkler.
But when you need help moving your ikebe-unfriendly sofa up five flights of stairs? Suddenly, they’ve developed a mysterious back problem. 
2. The LinkedIn Leech
Land a job at Siemens or Deutsche Bank? Watch this fair-weather friend slide into your DMs faster than you can say “expatriate package.”
They’ll be asking for referrals, insider tips, and probably a loan for their “start-up.” Lose that job? They’ll ghost you quicker than a Nollywood spirit.
3. The Remittance Relative
This fair-weather family member has your Western Union details memorized better than their own phone number. They’ll flood your WhatsApp with “God bless you, my son” and “You will never lack” when you send money home.
But when you’re broke, homesick, and considering selling your kidney for a plane ticket back home? Suddenly, their “phone is bad” and they can’t receive messages.
4. The Instagram Influencer
They’re louder than a Nigerian generator. Quick to comment “Ahn ahn! You’re glowing o!” on your Santorini snapshots, complete with fire emojis. But post about your struggles with seasonal depression in the grey Berlin winter? No one.
5. The Culture Chameleon
When “Coming to America 2” dropped, this fair-weather friend was suddenly more African than Shaka Zulu. They were hosting Wakanda-themed parties and learning to make fufu from YouTube.
But when it’s time to attend a Black Lives Matter protest or sign a petition against unfair visa policies? They’re as absent as pounded yam at a Chinese restaurant.
Conclusion: Fair-weather Friends
Spotting these fair-weather friends isn’t always easy. They’ll sweet-talk you smoother than palm wine on a Sunday afternoon. But watch closely.
Do they only reach out when they need a favor, like borrowing your prized Dutch wax prints for a photoshoot? Did they mysteriously develop “network issues” when you were hospitalized with malaria? That’s fair-weather behavior, clear as Harmattan haze.
Invest in friends who stick by you like ogbono to mortar. Look for those who’ll bring you homemade pepper soup when you’re sick, who’ll patiently listen to you rant about missing home for the 100th time, and who’ll celebrate your victories, big or small, with the enthusiasm of a Nigerian football fan during the World Cup.
Remember, one ride-or-die friend is worth more than a whole WhatsApp group of fair-weather friends. They’re the ones who’ll help you navigate the complex maze of being African in the diaspora, from dealing with casual racism to finding the best African grocery store in your new city.
Build your circle with people who show up for you, whether you’re popping champagne over a promotion or ugly-crying over FaceTime with your mom. Your future self, thriving in the diaspora with a solid support system, will thank you for it.
READ: Can You Juggle Multiple Friends With Benefits? Tips for Success
The big question I’m addressing is: “Can you have multiple friends with benefits?”
In this article, we’ll explore this question, distinguish FWB relationships from dating and one-night stands, and help you dispel the cliché that having more than one FWB makes you “slutty.”
