When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love

For Africans in the diaspora, the pressure to be a “strong African” can turn hyper-independence into your entire personality.
The Love Central - When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love The Love Central - When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love
When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love

You’ve climbed the corporate ladder in London, launched a startup in Berlin, and can bargain better than any Makola Market maven. But why does your love life feel emptier than Labadi Beach on a Monday morning? Let’s dissect how your hyper-independence might be the true saboteur of your romantic pursuits

Hyper-independence is like kenkey without shito – it’ll keep you going, but something vital is missing. Take Kwame, for example. He left Ghana on a Commonwealth scholarship, juggled studies and night shifts in Manchester, and now heads a fintech company in Amsterdam. 

But ask Kwame to let his partner of three years plan their anniversary celebration? He’d rather debug code for 48 hours straight. That’s hyper-independence gone rogue, chale.

The Love Central - When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love
Years of self reliance have led you to construct impenetrable fortresses around your heart Image source Freepik

Ways Your Hyper-Independence is Wrecking Your Love Life

Here are 6 ways hyper-independence is wrecking your love life: 

1. Trust Issues Bigger Than Mole National Park

You’ve honed your instincts to thrive in the cutthroat world of business, but when it comes to matters of the heart, trusting a partner feels more daunting than explaining to your traditional Ghanaian parents that you’ve chosen a career in spoken word poetry. Your inability to let go and have faith in others is creating a space in your relationships.

2. Emotional Walls Taller Than Akosombo Dam

Years of self-reliance have led you to construct impenetrable fortresses around your heart, making the historic Cape Coast Castle look like a child’s sandcastle in comparison. These walls, built for self-preservation, now serve as formidable obstacles to genuine connection and vulnerability.

3. “Help” is Harder to Say Than “Tweaaaaa”

In Ghana, where community and interdependence are cultural cornerstones, you’ve somehow developed an aversion to seeking support. 

Asking for help feels like admitting defeat, as if you can’t handle your own waakye. You’d rather burn the plantain to a crisp than call for assistance, a mindset that leaves no room for the give-and-take essential in healthy relationships.

4. Control Freak Level

Your need to micromanage every aspect of your relationship – from meticulously planning dates to dictating how your partner should fold a kente cloth – is suffocating the love faster than the harmattan dries out the land. This iron-fisted approach leaves no room for spontaneity or shared decision-making.

5. Sabotaging Good Vibes Like It’s Your Calling

When the relationship starts to feel too comfortable, too real, you inexplicably stir up wahala (trouble). It’s as if you’ve earned a master’s degree in pushing people away, always testing the limits of your partner’s patience and commitment.

6. Lonely in a Sea of People

Your hyper-independence has left you feeling more alone than a trotro mate without small change for passengers, even when surrounded by genuine love and affection. This paradoxical loneliness stems from an inability to fully immerse yourself in the warmth of deep, meaningful connections.

The Love Central - When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love
This paradoxical loneliness stems from an inability to fully immerse yourself in the warmth of deep meaningful connections Image source Freepik

Taming Your Inner Independent Guru

For the hyper-independent hustler:

  • Check yourself: Does “I dey manage” leave your mouth more often than “I love you”?
  • Start small: Let your partner choose the chop bar for your next date night.
  • Spill the sobolo on your struggles. “I find it hard to rely on others” is a powerful first step.
  • Consider therapy. It’s not just for obroni people, you hear?

For partners of the hyper-independent:

  • Patience is key. Breaking down walls takes time, even if they’re not made of Ashanti gold.
  • Encourage independence while offering support. “I know you can nail this pitch solo, but I’d love to be your hype person.”
  • Celebrate small wins. Did they ask for your opinion on their kente design? Time for a mental durbar!
  • Don’t take it personally. It’s not you, it’s their inner Kantamanto hustler talking.

Conclusion: When Being Hyper-Independent Affects Love

For Africans in the diaspora, the pressure to be a “strong African” can turn hyper-independence into your entire personality. But remember, even Nana Addo has a cabinet. True strength is knowing when to stand tall and when to lean on your people.

Hyper-independence doesn’t have to be the juju blocking your happily ever after. With awareness, effort, and maybe a sprinkle of therapy, you can find the sweet spot between boss moves and love goals. 

After all, love is sweeter when shared – just like that last bite of kelewele at an Accra night market.

READ: The Invisible Line: When Support Turns Into Control in Relationships

Have you ever found yourself second-guessing every decision, wondering if it’ll meet your partner’s approval? 

That’s the invisible line we’re talking about – where loving support sneakily transforms into suffocating control in relationships. Let’s unpack this complex issue.

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