Should You Withhold Life’s Big News From Friends?

At the end of the day, the most important thing is surrounding yourself with positive, trustworthy people who have your back through all of life’s ups and downs. 
The Love Central - Should You Withhold Life's Big News From Friends? The Love Central - Should You Withhold Life's Big News From Friends?
Should You Withhold Life's Big News From Friends?

Have you ever found yourself grappling with whether to quickly share major life updates with your closest friends or keep that monumental news under wraps for a little while? 

For those of us in the African diaspora community, this can be an especially tough call. Our friendships often run deep, with our besties being like family and playing a hugely supportive role in our lives. At the same time, many of us are from cultures with traditions around waiting to announce big personal milestones.

Maybe you recently got engaged but want to wait until you’ve told elderly relatives in person before spreading the news to your whole crew. Or perhaps you landed your dream job after years of hustling but aren’t ready to open the floodgates of congratulatory texts just yet. 

When it comes to life’s biggest moments – marriage, having kids, taking that once-in-a-lifetime career leap – should you withhold the major updates from even your closest friends, at least temporarily? Let’s take a look at both sides of this very relatable dilemma.

The Love Central - Should You Withhold Life's Big News From Friends?
Our friendships often run deep with our besties being like family and playing a hugely supportive role in our lives Image source Freepik

The Case for Waiting to Share Life’s Biggest News

Many cultures and faiths have long-standing customs around keeping huge personal news within a tight inner circle until certain milestones are reached. 

The thinking is that by not sharing widely right away, you avoid having to un-announce or awkwardly walk back the initial sharing if something doesn’t unfold as expected.

For example, many don’t publicly announce a pregnancy until after the first trimester when major risks of miscarriage drop significantly. In some Caribbean cultures, it’s considered bad luck or tempting fate to celebrate baby showers and nursery decorating too early on. 

When it comes to life events like marriages or joining particular faiths, some prefer to honor those transitions very privately before spreading the word.

There’s also the perspective that keeping life’s biggest personal developments completely under wraps for a little while – even from your nearest and dearest friends – allows you to fully absorb and process the magnitude of the life change before being bombarded with others’ reactions and questions. Savoring major moments in life privately, at least briefly, can be a powerful thing.

The Argument for Promptly Telling Your Closest Friends Big News

Of course, the major counterpoint to withholding life’s biggest milestones is that our closest friends are theoretically our biggest supporters, confidants, and cheerleaders. 

Keeping that incredibly sustaining inner circle out of the loop could be seen as hurtful or lacking trust – like you don’t actually want their positive presence and advice during life’s most defining moments.

Many would argue that the sooner you share life’s biggest news with your closest friends, the sooner they can start fully supporting you through the transition, giving advice and guidance, celebrating with you, praying for you, making you feel less alone in the experience, or whatever else the particular situation calls for. 

There’s an intrinsic bonding aspect to promptly letting your inner circle in on the latest huge life updates and journeying through those times together.

Additionally, in many diaspora friend crews, keeping a major secret often means inevitably being less present and having to be elusive in hangouts until you’re ready to share – which can inadvertently make loved ones feel shut out or like you’re drifting. Ripping off the band-aid and telling close friends immediately is one way to avoid weirdness.

The Love Central - Should You Withhold Life's Big News From Friends?
Just be intentional about which path you choose to take Image source Freepik

The Key Takeaway for Our African Diaspora Audience

Whether you choose to share or withhold life’s big news tends to come down to personal preference, specific friends and situations, and what route will make you feel most supported. 

Just be intentional about which path you choose to take – pestering friends for months by holding out is no bueno!

At the end of the day, the most important thing is surrounding yourself with positive, trustworthy people who have your back through all of life’s ups and downs. 

With a great crew in your corner, you really can’t go wrong either way on if and when you share life’s major updates. Share with us what you think in the comments.

READ: The Great Friend Shedding: Why Letting Go of Friends Can Be a Sign of Growth

Inevitably, some once essential friendships may no longer serve us in the same way.

This “great friend shedding,” as we might call it, can be a natural and even positive part of personal growth.

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