Key Highlights
- We unconsciously mirror the kind of love we were exposed to in childhood or past relationships
- The love we learned isn’t always the love we need
- You can unlearn survival-based love and choose safety, softness, and self-awareness instead
- This quiz is designed to help you pause, reflect, and realign with the kind of love you actually want to give and receive
We Don’t Always Love How We Mean To
Sometimes we love from memory. From survival. From what our mothers did when they were tired but still cooked for everyone. From what our fathers said in silence. From what the people who raised us modeled, not always by intention, but by habit.
And sometimes, we think we’re doing things differently… until we pause long enough to notice the familiar patterns creeping back in. The over-apologizing. The emotional shutdowns. The pullbacks. The chasing. The need to prove you’re worth loving, even when you’re exhausted.
It’s one thing to desire love and another to know what kind of love you’re capable of giving. And more importantly, what kind of love you’re repeating without realizing it.
I’ve asked myself this question a couple of times, and I think you need to as well:
Do you love like you were loved… or like you want to be loved?
The Love You Learned vs. The Love You Crave
We all come from a household. A culture. A past. And even if you were raised in the most loving of homes, you may not have learned how to express vulnerability, process conflict in healthy ways, or receive love without anxiety or fear.
You may have learned that love is sacrifice. That to be loved, you must earn it. That expressing needs is a burden. That closeness comes with control, or that distance is the safest way to stay connected.
If you really sit with your current relationships, emotional responses, and your idea of intimacy… do they come from a place of intentionality or inherited instinct?
This is where the work begins. And this quiz? It’s simply a mirror to help you explore and assess your love patterns… to see where they originate, what still fits, and what needs to be released or redefined.
Take the Quiz: What Kind of Love Are You Practicing?
Read each question carefully and pick the option that feels most true for you right now. Don’t overthink it… Let your honest instinct guide you.
1. When you feel hurt in a relationship, your first response is:
A. I retreat. I don’t want to make things worse.
B. I confront it directly and try to understand what happened.
C. I overthink it for days, but rarely speak up.
D. I try to act unbothered, but it stays with me.
2. When you were growing up, love looked like:
A. Doing things for each other without talking much.
B. Emotional availability and open communication.
C. Silent treatment during conflict, but always showing up physically.
D. A mix — some care, but also confusion and emotional absence.
3. You feel safest in a relationship when:
A. I’m not too emotionally dependent on anyone.
B. We can both be vulnerable and still feel secure.
C. I’m in control of how close we get.
D. They show consistency, even if they struggle to communicate.
4. When your partner or friend expresses a need, you:
A. Try to fix it or solve it immediately.
B. Ask questions to better understand and support them.
C. Feel like you have to give something up to meet it.
D. Feel inadequate, like you’re failing.
5. How do you usually express love?
A. Through service and doing things for people.
B. Through emotional presence and listening.
C. Through gifts or overextending myself.
D. Through space — I don’t want to be overwhelming.
6. When someone tries to love you gently, you feel:
A. Confused. It feels unfamiliar.
B. At ease. I lean into it.
C. Suspicious. I don’t trust it will last.
D. Grateful, but unsure how to receive it.
7. Your idea of love now is:
A. Loyalty, provision, and being there no matter what.
B. Mutual growth, softness, and emotional safety.
C. Sacrifice, compromise, and avoiding conflict.
D. Freedom, space, and shared values.
8. When someone checks in on your emotional needs, you:
A. Say you’re fine and change the subject.
B. Open up and share honestly.
C. Feel guilty or uncomfortable talking about yourself.
D. Share a little, but keep most things to yourself.
9. How do you feel when you’re deeply loved without having to earn it?
A. Suspicious — what do they really want?
B. Safe — I receive it with gratitude.
C. Awkward — I don’t know what to do with it.
D. Touched — but part of me feels I don’t deserve it.
10. What’s your first response when your needs aren’t being met?
A. I try harder to be what they need.
B. I name it calmly and seek clarity.
C. I downplay it — maybe I’m asking for too much.
D. I withdraw completely.
Your Result: How Do You Love?
Count the number of A, B, C, and D answers you selected. Then read your result below to see how you currently approach love.
Mostly A: The Performer
You learned that love is shown through doing, not necessarily feeling. You tend to associate love with responsibility, service, and being needed. But deep inside, you might feel exhausted from over-functioning. Your heart is loyal, but it’s often overlooked. You deserve to receive care too, not just offer it.
Mostly B: The Aligned Lover
You’re practicing intentional love. You’re learning how to speak your needs, hold space for others, and create safety in your connections. You’ve likely done inner work, and you’re growing into the kind of love you didn’t always get but deeply desired. Keep going. You’re on the right path.
Mostly C: The Ghost of Love Past
You’re still loving from an older version of yourself… one that was shaped by survival, silence, or self-protection. Your heart is tender, but it’s wrapped in layers. Don’t judge yourself. Instead, get curious. Start exploring your needs and boundaries with kindness. Healing is not a destination; it’s a daily practice.
Mostly D: The Protector
You value space and emotional distance because love has felt unsafe or inconsistent before. You may struggle to receive affection or fully open up. Beneath your independence is a longing to feel held not just physically, but emotionally. Take your time. Safe love doesn’t rush. Let yourself lean into it slowly, softly, fully.
What Now?
This quiz isn’t here to diagnose you. It’s not a final answer. It’s a beginning and a way to check in and ask, How am I loving? And is this the kind of love I want to keep giving?
If your results surprised you, sit with it. If they affirmed what you already knew, honor that too. What matters most is that you’re aware. Because awareness is how transformation begins.
You don’t have to keep loving from a place of fear, familiarity, or fatigue. You can choose something new, something gentler, deeper, and freer.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is this quiz only for romantic relationships?
Not at all. Love is layered, and this quiz explores how you love in friendships, family, and even in your relationship with yourself.
2. What if I got equal results across two categories?
That’s okay. It means you’re navigating different patterns, possibly shaped by different seasons of your life. Reflect on the results that made you pause or feel most seen… that’s often where the deeper truth lies.
3. Can love patterns change?
Yes. With awareness, therapy, self-reflection, and support, we all have the ability to shift how we give and receive love.
4. How do I start loving differently?
Start by paying attention to your triggers. Practice using your voice. Learn your emotional needs. Reparent the parts of you that learned love through pain. And surround yourself with safe spaces.
5. Can I use this quiz with my partner or friend?
Absolutely. In fact, it can spark powerful conversations. Compare your answers, talk about how you love, and what you each need to feel safe, seen, and supported.
You Deserve the Best of Love
You are not broken, not too much, and definitely not unlovable. You are simply a person learning how to love again… maybe for the first time, fully.
And this time, you’re not just loving the way you were taught, but the way you truly desire. And that is the kind of love that transforms everything.
READ: The Friendship Archetypes: Which One Are You?
The beauty of friendships lies in their diversity. Read this article to see which friendship archetype you are and maybe even spot the ones your friends embody.
