Infidelity in Marriage and Relationships: The Truth or the Excuse?

We stayed in bed and talked about random things and it was at this moment that I realized that he deserved better than to be cheated on.
The Love Central - Infidelity in Marriage and Relationships The Love Central - Infidelity in Marriage and Relationships
Infidelity in Marriage and Relationships
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In recent times, there’s been an increase in infidelity in marriages and relationships. Both men and women look for comfort in the arms of a younger lover, an old friend, or a side-piece. These acts of infidelity and cheating have been linked to various reasons. As unjust and flimsy as they may seem, there are always reasons.

A lot of people argue that walking out of such situationships is the best resolution, while a higher percentage of people disagree. Religious and traditional leaders have spoken strongly against infidelity and divorce until recently, when there was an increased record of fatal physical and mental abuses in marriages and relationships.

There are more men on the receiving end of accusations of infidelity than there are women. It can be argued, however, that most men have been provoked into reacting negatively. Wives have cheated and pushed their husbands into the hands of other women by constantly nagging and being physically and verbally abusive.

Nobody can remain in a toxic relationship without absorbing the toxicity and giving out the same energy. In order to not be labeled a divorcee, quite a number of men have opted for peace, happiness, and comfort by having secret lovers.

It is mostly concluded in the end that the relationship crashed because the man was “stolen” by a “husband snatcher.”

From the experience of a proud “husband-snatcher,” Sadiya shares her story.

I have always been a one-man-one-woman advocate, right from my teenage years. I grew up in a home where my parents loved each other so much that I don’t recall ever witnessing them fight or argue. There were never accusations of infidelity, and they were great examples that my siblings and I looked up to.

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I graduated from the university and did my NYSC primary assignment with a small media Company. I was the life of the office and everyone loved me. I grew really close to all my colleagues within the first two weeks of my resumption and it was only a matter of time before my boss, Mr. Dafe, made me his personal assistant.

We worked closely together and I was saddled with the responsibility of booking his meetings and traveling with him for some important interviews and media coverage. At some point, I would help in picking up his daughter from school and even assist his wife with some grocery shopping. I never complained because I loved my job and the pay was very good.

I closed late from work one day and collapsed into my sofa the minute I got home. I slept off and woke up at 2:00 a.m. I dragged myself to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal and decided to finish editing the notes I took from an interview Mr. Dafe had with a top dignitary the morning before.

Picking up my phone to check if I had any missed calls or messages, I saw 8 missed calls from Mr. Dafe. I checked the call history and realized the calls were seconds apart, with the last call timed at 1:57 a.m.

I wondered what could have been so urgent and decided to call back in case it was an emergency but there was no response. I tried a few more times and without any response; I decided to get on with my work and assumed it wasn’t much of a big deal. I would find out in the morning.

As I rushed out to meet Patrick, my cab driver, I received a text message from Mr. Dafe asking me to meet him at Bella Rouge Hotel before proceeding to the office. Surprised, I quickly checked to see if he was scheduled for any meetings but he was free the entire day. Then I thought, “Something very urgent must be going on because he would usually call.”.

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I made my way around the corner from the stairs to his hotel room. I knocked and waited for almost a minute before he opened the door, looking horrible. “Sir D!” I exclaimed, almost letting out a scream when I saw the bruises on his face.

“What happened to you?” I asked. He dropped into the bouncy bed and buried his face in his hands. I moved closer and stood at a safe distance while I asked him again about his face. I was shocked to hear quiet sobs coming from Sir D; he was crying!

I got confused and wondered if he had been duped. Was he attacked by armed robbers or thieves? I kept asking myself while staring at him without knowing if to touch him or rub his back. I didn’t know what to do.

A few minutes later, I listened carefully as he narrated everything he had been going through in his home and in his marriage. The marriage I was almost tapping into for myself was a staged play.

Sir D had been going through hell and his wife had been cheating on him for over 3 years with different young men. She even steals his money to go clubbing with these guys all at the same time.

Apparently, his wife was always wild from their youth and he thought she would change once they got married and started having kids. However, he realized he had lied to himself after he found out she was taking contraceptives after the birth of their only daughter, Darasimi. She started taking drugs as well and would spend nights out without calling or informing him.

They had a heated argument the previous day and she hit him. He packed his things and left for the hotel where he would be staying until he finds a place to rent. I tried my best to console him and promised to bring him food so he wouldn’t have to eat out.

Sir D was away from work for a week and within that week, my schedule included spending time with him after work before heading back home.

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During that period, we got closer, and he became more of a friend to me than a boss. One of the days I went to spend time with him after work, we had some food, drinks, snacks, and very spicy suya. We talked into the night and before I knew it, it had gotten too late for me to leave.

Sir D brought out a pajama set for me to sleep in and we continued our discussion after I changed into them. Somehow along the line, I found myself in his arms, held tightly in a warm cuddle. After a while, we both stopped talking and began to kiss. His lips were soft and he kissed so good. Savouring the heat of the moment, our clothes came off and we were naked under the duvet.

I gasped as Sir D moved his hands around my body; from my chest to my waist, pulling me closer with every smooch. The kisses became intense and he came on top of me, staring into my eyes for a few seconds while stroking my face with his hands. He smiled at me, kissed my neck, and I let myself go. I relaxed my back and wrapped my legs around his waist while our bodies agreed.

The next morning, I woke up to Sir D staring at me with a careful look. I tried to shy away but he held me and tickled my neck with soft kisses. We stayed in bed and talked about random things and it was at this moment that I realized that he deserved better than to be cheated on. He was a good man with a great sense of humor, he was caring, very considerate, and he deserved better.

In no time, Sir D moved into my small space and it became known that we were dating. I was accused of encouraging infidelity and had to stop going to work.

Within a few weeks of moving in together, his wife sent tons of messages asking him to come back home, but I knew I would never allow that. I have put in so much effort into repairing this man and would not let him go—not now, not ever.

But why the sudden interest? The man whom she messed up and threw out like garbage! I fixed him and brought happiness back to his life. She didn’t want him; I didn’t either, but now that I do, I’m keeping her man for good.

I am Sadiya Benson, your husband’s lover.

Healing from Domestic Violence: A Step-by-Step Guide to Reclaiming Your Life

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Read this article to discover how to navigate the experience and heal.

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