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Are You Codependent or Hyper-independent?

Are You Codependent or Hyper-independent? Find out

A codependent person derives their self-worth through external validation.
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Excess of anything is bad. Be it extreme isolation with zero reliance on others or heavy dependence with zero sense of responsibility for oneself, both can harm you and your relationships.

Two distinct personality types are codependency and hyper-independency. A codependent person relies on others, whereas a hyper-independent individual only relies on themselves. So, which one are you? Let’s find out.

Understanding Hyper-independency

Someone who is hyper-independent usually comes off as extremely independent or a person who can do everything by themselves. Hyper-independent individuals find it difficult to ask for help, which is an extreme form of being self-reliant.

This condition, however, is a lot more than meets the eye. It can be a result of trauma experiences or psychological disorders. Did you know? A lot of the time, hyperindependence can stem from past trauma.  

7 common traits of a hyper-independent person

1. Assertive

A straightforward personality. They are not afraid of rejection or saying “no” to your face. They count on their ideas and are never afraid to express themselves. Hyper-independent people have a strong hold over situations.

2. Dominant

A hyperindependent individual often comes off as dominating. They are blunt in communication and can be manipulative with words. Constantly wanting to take control and delegate. Leading is a lot easier than following for a dominant, hyper-independent.

3. Refusing to seek help

There is a lot of reluctance when it comes to asking for help. Extremely independent people often see asking for help as a sign of weakness. It is not a part of their nature. A lot of times, they think others perceive them to be too strong; hence, asking for help can tarnish their reputation.

4. Self-reliant

The “I don’t need anyone” is a staple trait of their personality. Relying on themselves is the best form of dependency people in this category seek. They refuse to be a burden on others and are okay with taking all the pressure themselves. Hyper-independent people willingly do not ask for help.

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Not depending on anyone is their version of freedom <em>Image<em> <em>credit<em> <em>Freepik<em>

5. Lack of trust

Opening up to others is extremely hard for overtly independent people. They are good at communication but not at expressing their feelings. This leads to difficulty in forming long-term relationships with people. When you are hyper-independent, you are okay with letting people go, even if it impacts you.

6. Strong boundaries

Hyperindependent people cannot compromise on their boundaries. Extremely independent people need their alone time. They find greater comfort in isolation than in socializing. It is not easy for them to let others into their personal space because they like being their own confidant.

7. High-functioning anxiety

A person who is hyper-independent by nature is okay with taking on too many responsibilities. They always want more on their shoulders. This eventually leads to stress, burnout, and the constant need of wanting to be busy. They think constantly working will decrease their anxiety when, on the contrary, it scales it up even more.

Note: If you found at least 5 or more of the above points relatable, you are likely hyper-independent by nature.

Understanding Codependency

A codependent person derives their self-worth through external validation, which means heavy dependence on others for emotional fulfillment. The concept of self-reliance is not welcomed by them due to their constant need of wanting to be surrounded by their loved ones. 

7 common traits of codependent people

1. Prioritizing others (over themselves)

Codependent people have a habit of putting others on a pedestal. They find joy in prioritizing the needs of people close to them, even if it means compromising their own space.

2. Guilt

The moment they choose themselves over others, codependent people start feeling guilty. They blame themselves for putting their own needs above someone else’s. For people who rely on others, this is an act of selfishness. They are okay with compromising their boundaries but will not let someone else suffer.

3. Can be taken advantage of

Codependent people can be easily taken for granted. They always come off as nice people, which is why people can use them without knowing.

4. Seeking constant validation

There is a constant desire to impress others. Excessively dependent people find comfort in seeking approval from others. It fills the emotional void within them. 

5. Excessive attachment

Codependent people can come off as needy and clingy. They do not enjoy being alone and always want someone around them. This leads to insecurities and possessiveness within personal relationships. People can feel suffocated when they have a close bond with codependent individuals. 

6. Poor boundaries

The idea of personal space is alien to codependent people. They do not believe in the concept of personal space and want someone around them all the time.

7. Fear of abandonment

The fear of being alone haunts people who rely on others. This is what shapes their personality to be codependent in the first place. People who fall into this category are extremely sensitive to rejection.

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Not asking for help will eventually lead to burnout

How do these impact our relationships?

Hyperindependency and codependency can both have positive and negative impacts on our relationships, respectively. To have healthy relationships, one needs to strike a balance.

As we age, our personality types get shaped based on our experiences, which help us define and structure our relationships with others. Without striking a balance, relationships can feel like a challenge and energy-draining, thereby compromising the emotional and mental health of both you and your loved ones.

To Conclude: Can a Codependent Become Hyper-Independent (and Vice Versa)?

Yes, it is possible.  However, the values the two traits have to offer can make it difficult to create a complete transition. We all seek a relationship that is healthy and nurturing. When you recognize the flaws of extreme hyper-independence and codependence, you will want to create a balance.

However, you can transition to either. A hyperindependent person can understand the need of wanting to receive from others. A codependent person can become self-reliant when needed. A little bit of both is necessary. 

Want to know about the stages that eventually lead to a healthy relationship?

Read this article to find some interesting facts.

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