Emotional Attachments: Why You Should Secure Your Heart, Use Your Brain and Fulfill Your Desires

We have found ourselves in a world where love isn’t as true as it is professed. Emotions are not as true as people display them; even hearts are becoming trained against loving freely just to avoid being broken and a lot of people would rather fulfill their sexual desires without emotional attachments.

I remember the first time I met Kareem; it was like a beautiful mistake. The emotional rush was out of my control and I got served! We had both been at a Spoken Words event at Transcorp in Abuja. He came late and sat next to me.

I recall closing my eyes as the breeze carried his scent across my face. The scent of his perfume was similar to cool water but it had something arresting about it. While we sat and enjoyed the event of that evening, we shared a few thoughts and smiles as we agreed on the performances.

After the event, I walked out to the driveway to wait for my ride to pick me up. I kept looking at my watch because I needed to be home in time to prepare for work the next day. I checked the app on my phone and realized the driver had canceled the trip. Frustrated out of my mind, I decided to book another ride and wait at the bar for another 15 minutes till the driver arrived.

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I ordered a Bloody Mary cocktail and pulled out my pack of cigarettes. I dragged one stick after the other as I sipped on my drink while I scrolled through the apps on my phone, trying to take my mind off the time. “Can I please share your cigarettes with you?”…. a voice from beside me spoke. Before I could look up, I felt a soft breeze of a familiar masculine scent on my face.

I looked up and saw the young man who sat next to me at the Spoken Words event. He had such a soft captivating smile, his lips were a light shade of brown with a hint of pink on his lower lip. He also had a gap in between his teeth. He pulled a chair next to me once he recognized that I was the lady who sat next to him at the Spoken Words event upstairs.

He introduced himself as Kareem Shola Zubair. He was in town from Kaduna for a business meeting and would be around for a week. We had such a beautiful conversation and somehow, we both had a few things in common. He convinced me to cancel my ride and stay a little longer with him and in no time, we had finished a bottle of Jameson and ran out of the cigarettes I came along with.

Kareem invited me for dinner at the restaurant, and after we finished eating, he offered to take me home. We laughed and called each other silly names while he drove me home. As we pulled up at my doorway, it felt like the night shouldn’t end. As we said our goodbyes, he gave me his phone and told me he would call me once he was tucked in safely on his hotel bed.

He didn’t want to take my number just yet and he didn’t want anyone to interrupt our conversation when he called. Once I had put everything in order for work the next day, I slid into bed and couldn’t stop thinking about Kareem. I could smell him all over me while his face kept flashing in my mind and that made me smile.

I picked up his phone from my bedside drawer and realized it was open. I went through the pictures and found over 15 random pictures of me he had taken right from the Spoken Words event through the bar and at the restaurant. I was about to do some more snooping around when a call came in. At first, I wanted to ignore it, but I assumed it could only be Kareem calling me.

I picked and it was him and we spoke through the night until 4:30 am. The next day, while I was at work, we kept talking on his phone and I almost got a query. I was so absorbed in my conversations with Kareem that every other thing was boring. He picked me up after work for an early dinner and this time around, he looked better and more attractive.

We spent the evening at the poolside of Transcorp and had a few smokes and some cocktails. We proceeded to tour the hotel facilities while we walked hand-in-hand and talked and laughed over silly things. Kareem ushered me into the elevator and told me we were heading to the most beautiful place in the hotel.

We came to a stop and as the doors of the elevator opened, my eyes were greeted by his lovely penthouse. I walked into the room and rushed to the bathroom because I had been pressed and wanted to hold it till I got back home, but the thought of a bathroom had me rushing in. I walked out feeling a bit shy but he just brought up a conversation and that made me feel comfortable.

He poured a glass of drink for himself and me and laid a duvet by the giant glass window. It was a beautiful view, and I could see the lights across the city center and the wavy lights of moving vehicles. I felt relaxed and cared less about anything. There was music playing softly in the background, which was The Truth by India Arie and I found the lyrics translating to Kareem’s personality.

I knew that Kareem was my person, either as a friend or otherwise. Apart from the lights reflecting through the open window, the room was dark. I must have slept off and couldn’t make out the position I was sleeping in or the part of the room I was in when I woke up. I tapped around me with my hands but I was all by myself.

I got up and called out to Kareem but there was no response. I found a switch and turned on the lights but Kareem wasn’t there. I made a quick dash to the bathroom and found him in the jacuzzi, sipping a glass of wine and listening to music. I walked in and came around to his view while he sat in the water like a god.

His eyes were dim, his lips were moist from the wine he just sipped, and for the first time, I noticed how beautiful his fingers were and how neatly his nails were trimmed. One after the other, I removed my clothes. With my eyes looking deep into his, I observed his expressions, which remained calm. I stepped into the jacuzzi and positioned myself in front of him, my back resting on his chest.

He kissed my neck softly and held me close. The scent of his perfume was getting to me. I moved seductively back and forth with my butt, softly grinding on his groin. He held me tighter as I felt his manhood grow strong against my back and I enjoyed the feel of it. He tried to stay composed but I wouldn’t rest. I moaned softly as he kissed my neck more intentionally.

The sound of my soft moans got to him and he began to caress my breasts. We kissed so passionately while I placed my hand on his manhood and stroked him gently. Tracing my forefinger around his cap and stroking the veins around his manhood, I watched his facial expressions and knew I was winning.

I was winning because we were both waiting on who would make the first move. We got out of the jacuzzi and found our way to the room. Standing in front of me in all of his manliness, Kareem pulled me towards him and we collapsed into the bed. His kisses were so soft yet very intense. He slid his hands around my thighs and teased me gently.

With each kiss, he drew himself closer to me. He stopped, looked at my face, smiled, and kissed me deeply. I felt him rubbing against my thighs and with each attempt, I grew weaker for him. I pulled him closer and tried to get him inside of me but he resisted. He played his way around my body and made me want him even more.

The scent of his perfume ran through my nostrils and stirred up a sexual storm within me. I wrapped my legs around Kareem’s back and kissed his lips down to his neck. I heard him moan softly as he let himself go and slipped into my wetness. He was gentle, he was a multipurpose man and he pleased every part of me.

He never stopped kissing me, even as he rocked me intensely. His hands didn’t stop caressing my body and he was sure that his deep strokes didn’t hurt me. He counted my climaxes and joked about them coming back-to-back. Kareem was a very sweet man and I knew it would be hard for me to leave our relationship as mere friends if he never asked me to be his woman.

We slept in each other’s arms after talking till morning. I sent a message to the office saying that I was down with malaria. That evening, Kareem dropped me off at home and we texted a lot when we were not talking. He was due to return to Kaduna and he asked me out for dinner. We had an amazing time but I began to feel very emotional.

In just a week, Kareem had become a big part of my life and I hated to watch him leave. On our way to his car, he pulled me close to him and hugged me tightly. I felt the tears fill my eyes and I couldn’t control my emotions. Kareem asked me to resign and come with him to Kaduna. I wanted to, but it didn’t seem right.

I told him I couldn’t because it felt too sudden and maybe our emotions were getting in the way of our reasoning. He dropped me off and forced himself to leave as I cried uncontrollably while he expressed his feelings for me. Kareem has been away for a month now. I haven’t heard from him since the last message he sent to let me know he was in Kaduna.

I have been worried but I didn’t want to be the one to call first. I can tell now that I was too quick to jump into his arms. I didn’t think at all. I was carried away by his person and forgot to look out for me. Kareem was everything I wanted but maybe I was not worth the fight. I have decided to move on from my mistake of giving in wholly and too quickly.

There are men who are scared of getting in touch with their emotions and Kareem is one of them. He ran away from his emotions and hurt me in the process. I have built a wall around my heart; I have decided to be intentional about being conscious of my emotional needs, and even if I need to get bodied up, I’ll be sure to have no attachment to it.

I am Olabisi Folarin and I am an emotional wreck!

Disruptive impulse control disorders are characterized by difficulties in regulating behavior, emotions, and impulses

Read this story to unravel the dangers of disruptive disorder.