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Have you ever acted out of raw emotion, only to be haunted by “what ifs” later? We all have. It’s tempting to let anger guide our actions or chase passionate flames without thinking, but the consequences can be severe.
Beyond broken relationships and lasting regrets, unchecked impulses can contribute to mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, and even self-harm or substance abuse.
Tinuade’s story will illustrate the dangers of disruptive impulse control disorders. But before we delve into her experience, let’s understand what these disorders entail.
Understanding Disruptive Impulse Control Disorders
Disruptive impulse control disorders are a group of mental health conditions characterized by difficulties in regulating behavior, emotions, and impulses.
This can manifest as frequent and intense anger outbursts, aggression towards others, rule-breaking, and difficulty controlling urges like stealing or lying. 
As noted by the American Psychiatric Association, these behaviors pose a threat to personal safety and disrupt societal norms.
Tinuade’s Journey: A Tale of Disruptive Impulse Control Disorders
I realize now more than ever that I am not in a position to judge people who go overboard in the name of love or emotions! As I sit by my window, staring out at the pouring rain and sipping an almost cold cup of tasteless coffee; I have played out 10 different scenarios on how I should have ended this mistake of a boyfriend.
Still trying to understand how easy it is for guys to walk out of a relationship because “things don’t feel the same anymore”. A whole 8years relationship!
Tade and I met at a church meeting for first attendees. He had on this blue kaftan that fit so perfectly; his cufflinks were silver and they matched with his watch and neckpiece.
From his appearance, I knew that he was a simple man with a great taste for exquisite fashion. I could also guess the strength of his Christian life from how he prayed and listened during the meeting.
At the end of the meeting, I stood under a tree waiting for my ride to show up. The driver had missed his way and after several calls to direct him, he still couldn’t find my location.
Already frustrated by the heat from the sun, which was melting away my make-up, I decided to cancel and just hop on a keke. “Excuse me Miss Tinu.” I heard a voice call out to me.
As I turned in the direction of the voice, it was my husband material from the Church meeting. He was driving a blue Toyota same shade as his outfit.
As the Abuja big girl I was forming to be, I pretended not to see him. I looked away and acted like my ears misheard, but he called again and waved his hands this time around when I turned in his direction.
He drove closer to where I stood and asked if he could take me home. ”That would be very kind of you, sir”, I replied as I opened the car. The relief of sitting down and the cool air blowing against my face and neck was the best feeling at that moment.
He introduced himself as Tade Samad, an indigene of Kwara State working as an Engineer in Abuja and was single just as I prayed he would be. Dark skin, brown eyes, trimmed fingernails, and neat beards with no bumps, he was just perfect.
I was still lost in admiration when I heard him say, “I got to know your name from the meeting at church when you introduced yourself.” “Oh right….you either are a good listener or you had ears down waiting to hear my name,” I responded and we both laughed after he admitted to the latter.
He invited me to lunch and promised to drop me off at home. I’d suffered already and needed the food so I replied, “why not!”
As we ate, he said he had something to say and would appreciate an honest and direct response from me. “Shoot if you may,” I replied.
He started by saying that he’s had his fair share of heartbreaks and bad experiences in relationships and would like to end all the sexcapades, flings, and dramas that come with being in the wrong relationship.
Listening as I sipped my drink, I kept responding with “hmmm” and “uhmm” to assure him that I understood him. I took a sip of juice from my cup and almost choked when he said, “I want to start afresh with you, Tinu, till the very end”.
Struck by the surprise, I replied, “I wasn’t expecting anything close to that, Tade….I really don’t know how to respond to that.”
“The past hour you’ve spent with me is enough for you to know if you would like to do this with me or not, and I will understand if you say no”, he replied. Say no? When I had already pictured our wedding and the names of our three beautiful kids?…. I thought to myself.
Looking straight into his beautiful brown eyes, I said, “Tade, yes, I would love to give this a go,” and just like that, we became “an item”.
In the years Tade and I were together, we had really rough times, broke up a couple of times, and blocked each other on social media before finally getting to a place of understanding the best methods and approaches to work through our relationship.
I remember when I almost left him to get married to someone else and just couldn’t because I was not the one to give up on my man. I was always there for Tade…always there for him.
The Night of Despair
That seemed to be the longest night of my life but as they say, no matter how long the night may be, dawn is sure to come.
Early the next morning, I took a taxi to Tade’s house and sat at the back door for about 10 minutes, trying to calm myself down.
I was talking some sense into my brain so I don’t do anything stupid but just as I got up to knock on the door, I heard two people laughing in the kitchen, followed by sounds of wet kisses.
It was so obvious that I could hear their lips slap against each other with such irritating sloppiness. So I concluded that there was no point in knocking.
Luckily for me, the door wasn’t locked so I welcomed myself into the kitchen to meet Tade’s shocked face. But what agitated me the most was the look of a battle-ready lunatic on the face of his side-piece…the audacity!
I kept a straight face as I looked at both of them. Suddenly, my feet grew cold, my eyebrows began to twitch and the mad cow mode was about to be activated!
“Tinu meet Amara; Amara this is Tinu”….Tade introduced us! In the heat of the moment, he was calm enough to make introductions? Okay!
“Who is she, Tade?” I asked….” A friend from Lagos….she got in late last night and had to spend the night here”. My heart was beating so fast that it felt like there was a horse race inside my chest. I started to heat up and it felt like my brain was boiling. The anger was draping on me like a volcano.
In the silence, little Miss husband snatcher walked out of the kitchen and it was at that point that I realized that she had his shirt on with absolutely nothing else underneath.
I blacked out! I had a dream – it was like flashes of memories of Tade and I….everywhere looked cloudy and the voices in the dream echoed. Was I dead? Did Tade and Amara kill me??
So I jumped out of the dream and looked around, there was blood on my hands and I had broken my left wrist. What was I doing in the bathtub…..maybe they tried to kill me.
I got up as quietly as I could, opened the door gently, and there was no sign of Tade or Amara. I peeped from the kitchen to the store and as I approached the living room, there was Tade – lying face down with blood coming out of his mouth and nose. He was dead and cold!
As I fell on top of him crying, I could sight Amara’s feet. I crawled forward and knew she was dead too. A kitchen knife was stuck to her upper back; her braids were pulled out in a few places; and her face was badly bruised. It was already past noon. I got to Tade’s house a little before 8 a.m.; this meant that I had passed out in the bathroom for about 4 hours.
Having an idea of what must have happened, I left as quietly and as invisible as possible. I followed a bush path to the third street from Tade’s house and took a bike to the spa. I spent the entire day there and returned home at 10 p.m. after stopping by a pharmacy in town to get a band-aid and painkillers.
On getting home, I had the hottest shower that night and went to bed without eating – how could I eat? My happy-ever-after with Tade would never happen; our three kids would dry up in his loins – his three kids anyway, not mine! I focused on my reflection on the window and saw the many people I was and a murderer wasn’t one of them.
I was attacked, I was a victim, I was vulnerable, I loved too hard and was taken for granted – for a fool. Tade Samad and Amara planned this…..they tried to kill me, but I survived. I am not crazy; I am not dangerous; I don’t need help; I just lost a little control.
I am Tinuola Abodunrin, an inmate charged with aggravated murder and sentenced to death!
Taking care of your mental health is paramount and it doesn’t need to strain your budget!
Read this article to discover budget-friendly self-care tips that will significantly improve your mental well-being.
