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Imagine escaping the hustle and bustle of daily life, just you and your spouse, surrounded by the comforting echoes of your shared culture. Welcome to the world of weekend marriage retreats – your ticket to rekindling that spark and fortifying your relationship, African diaspora style!
For Africans navigating life in places like London, Toronto, or Houston, maintaining a strong marriage can feel like trying to pound fufu with one hand.
The challenges are unique: from the pressure to “make it” in a new country to the struggle of raising children who honor their roots while embracing their new home. 
Weekend marriage retreats offer a vibrant solution, blending the wisdom of African traditions with the realities of diaspora life.
Let’s explore seven culturally rich activities that can transform your relationship faster than you can say “Hakuna Matata”:
1. “Memories of Home” Storytelling Circle
Gather with other couples, perhaps around a symbolic fire (or a cleverly placed space heater), and share tales from back home.
How it works: Each person brings an object that reminds them of their childhood in Africa. Maybe it’s a old photo, a piece of ankara fabric, or even a favorite snack like chin chin or biltong.
Example: Adebayo from Nigeria shares the story of how he and his brothers climbed mango trees in their compound, while his Kenyan wife, Akinyi, recounts her adventures at Uhuru Gardens in Nairobi.
Benefit: This activity helps couples rediscover the excitement that brought them together, reminding them of shared cultural experiences and values.
2. “Building Our Own Village” Strategy Session
In this workshop, couples learn to create a support system that mirrors the community they left behind.
Practical steps
- Map out your current social connections on a large piece of paper.
- Identify gaps where you need more support (e.g., childcare, cultural activities, spiritual guidance).
- Brainstorm ways to fill these gaps, such as joining an African professionals’ network or starting a monthly African cuisine potluck.
3. “Love Languages Across Cultures” Interactive Seminar
Explore how your cultural backgrounds influence your expressions of love, with a twist on Gary Chapman’s five love languages.
Activity highlight
Couples create a “love language map” of their home countries, noting regional differences. For instance, in some Ghanaian cultures, preparing fufu might be an act of service, while in parts of South Africa, gifting biltong could be a way of showing love.
Practical exercise
Couples write love notes to each other using their partner’s primary love language, incorporating culturally specific expressions. A Sierra Leonean husband might say, “I’ve prepared cassava leaves for you” as an act of service, while his Ethiopian wife might respond with words of affirmation in Amharic.
4. “Cooking Up Love” Culinary Face-Off
Turn up the heat (literally) with this fun cooking challenge that celebrates the diversity of African cuisine.
Challenge setup
Couples are given a mystery box of ingredients common in African cooking, like plantains, okra, or berbere spice. They must work together to create a fusion dish that represents both of their culinary heritages.
Judging criteria
Taste, presentation, and the story behind the dish. Bonus points for creative names like “Naija-Zulu Love Bites” or “Maghrebi-Swahili Delight.”
Team-building aspect
Couples must navigate the kitchen together, mirroring how they handle challenges in daily life. Does one take the lead? Do they divide tasks? These dynamics often reveal much about their relationship.
5. “Dreams Without Borders” Aspiration Mapping
Move beyond basic vision boarding to create a comprehensive plan for your future, balancing cultural expectations with personal ambitions.
- Materials needed: Large poster boards, magazines (including African publications if possible), scissors, glue, and markers.
- Unique twist: Include a section for “giving back” – how you plan to contribute to your home country or support other African immigrants.
Discussion points
- How do we balance our parents’ expectations with our own dreams?
- What does success look like for an African couple in the diaspora?
- How can we incorporate regular visits or extended stays in our home countries?
6. “Conflict Resolution, African Style” Interactive Theater
Learn to navigate disagreements using a blend of traditional African wisdom and modern techniques.
Scenario examples
- Disagreement over sending remittances to family back home
- Conflict about how strictly to adhere to traditional gender roles in the household
- Tensions around code-switching and “acting too Western” in public
Resolution techniques
Incorporate elements like the Ubuntu philosophy (“I am because we are”) or the concept of “palaver” from West African cultures, where extended discussion leads to consensus.
Role-play exercise
Couples act out a scenario, then other participants offer advice based on both modern counseling techniques and traditional African conflict resolution methods.
7. “Rhythm of Love” Afro-Dance Extravaganza
End your retreat on a high note with a pan-African dance class that gets your heart’s pumping and feet moving.
- Dance styles: Include moves from popular styles like Azonto (Ghana), Kizomba (Angola), Gwara Gwara (South Africa), and Zanku (Nigeria).
- Music playlist: Feature a mix of classic and contemporary African artists, from Miriam Makeba and Fela Kuti to Asake and Sauti Sol.
- Bonding element: Couples learn a short choreographed routine together, culminating in a group performance that’s equal parts hilarious and heartwarming.
Bringing the Retreat Magic Home
The real test comes when you return to your daily life. Here are specific ways to keep the retreat spirit alive:
- Weekly “Wakanda Nights”: Dedicate one evening a week to celebrating your heritage. Cook an African meal together, watch Nollywood movies, or video call family back home.
- Monthly “Diaspora Dialogues”: Host or join a support group for African couples in your area. Rotate discussion topics like parenting across cultures, maintaining long-distance family relationships, or navigating interethnic marriages.
- Quarterly “Mini-Retreats”: Can’t get away for a full weekend? Create a one-day retreat at home. Turn off your phones, decorate your space with African art, and engage in activities from the retreat.
- Yearly “Homeland Pilgrimage”: If possible, plan an annual trip back to Africa. Alternating between each partner’s home country can help maintain connections and create new shared experiences.
Conclusion: Weekend Marriage Retreats
Remember, a thriving African marriage in the diaspora is like a baobab tree – deeply rooted in tradition yet able to flourish in new soil. These weekend retreats are the water and sunlight that help your relationship grow stronger, no matter how far from home you’ve traveled.
So pack your matching ankara outfits, leave the stress of immigration paperwork behind, and embark on a weekend that could revolutionize your marriage – all while staying true to the beautiful, complex tapestry of African love in the diaspora!
READ: How Our Past Can Haunt Our Romantic Relationships – And What We Can Do to Break Free
In this article, we’ll explore the complexities of love, trauma, and healing, and guide how to build healthy, fulfilling relationships despite the challenges of your past.
