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It’s Afro Nation in Portugal. The air’s thick with the scent of peppered suya and smoky jollof. Rema’s “Calm Down” has everyone winning like there’s no tomorrow. That’s when you spot them – melanin popping, moving smooth as shea butter. Your heart’s doing the Zanku, but your brain whispers, “Ọmọ, calm down o. Is this just a vibe, or your future baby mama/papa?
Ekabo, diaspora dons, and doñas! We’re diving deeper into choosing a spouse palava. We’re talking about a life partner, future parent of your ajebutter, someone to argue with about paying the bride price in Bitcoin or Naira.
From the council flats of Peckham to the brownstones of Harlem, this choice hits differently when you’re juggling BRP cards and heavy expectations. So grab your chilled zobo, and let’s dissect this matter.
When the Body Yells “Gbam!” But the Brain’s on “Tueh Tueh”
Flashback to Oluwaseun at the Notting Hill Carnival. Fila tilted like a Fuji maestro, agbada flowing like Osun River. Man could dance! Your heart did gbam every time he smiled.
Three months later, you bring them to help prepare moi moi for your brother’s traditional wedding. They mistake ewedu for spinach, can’t differentiate between pounded yam and fufu, and think garri is a type of Indian bread.
That initial spark is hotter than pepper soup, but can it survive when your kid needs help pronouncing Oluwadamilola for school presentation and your in-laws are coming for a six-month “small visit”?
Beyond Instagram Filters: The Parenting Potentials
Can they handle your entire village during an Owambe in Ibadan, including that cousin who keeps asking for an iPhone 15 and the uncle who won’t stop bragging about his government connection?
Are they down for both Hillsong on Sunday and pouring libation to ancestors on Saturday? Can they respect both Pentecostal fire and traditional juju without side-eye?
Are they investing in that new Eko Atlantic property and Flutterwave stocks, or are they financing Wizkid’s next Lamborghini through endless concert tickets?
Choosing a Spouse: The Naija (and Beyond) Factor
Do they understand why you need to send money for Uncle Emeka’s new okada business, even if it means skipping Afro Nation this year? Can they handle your mom’s 3-hour video calls about when you’re coming home to marry without eye-rolling?
Will they insist on your kids learning not just Yoruba, but also Edo and Efik, even if it means missing Man United vs Arsenal? Are they ready to explain to your kids why they can’t talk back like Penelope on “Never Have I Ever”?
Are they the ones organizing Nollywood viewing parties and teaching Afrobeats dance classes at the community center, or do they mysteriously catch malaria whenever someone mentions African Students Union meetings?
Balancing Act: Love vs. Legacy
Finding someone who can switch from discussing parliament politics at work to bargaining in Pidgin at Ridley Road Market without missing a beat.
Maybe they can’t pound yam to save their life, but they’ve mastered the art of finding authentic egusi anywhere from Amsterdam to Auckland.
They might not get why you need to buy matching aso-ebi for your entire extended family for cousin Chichi’s wedding, but they’re on YouTube learning how to tie gele and nail the Skelewu dance.
Red Flags Redder Than Fanta
If they’re cussing out the immigration officer at Kotoka Airport in pure Yoruba, imagine how they’ll act when your kid brings home a C in Further Math.
Are they always looking for the easy way out, or do they hustle harder than those Aboki guys selling China phones in Idumota traffic?
Are you both saving for that private school in Lekki or boarding school in England or are they more interested in the latest iPhone while you’re eyeing Canadian citizenship?
Can they switch from sipping Chapman at Federal Palace Hotel to drinking palm wine from Calabash at your village square without complaint?
Will they stand by you when you’re struggling with an identity crisis after that 23andMe test, or when you’re tired of explaining to colleagues why you can’t just “move back to Africa”?
Conclusion
Choosing a spouse in the diaspora is like picking the perfect asọ-ebì – it needs to look good now, feel right always, and stand the test of time.
Take your time, trust your gut, and remember: you’re not just choosing a bae, you’re selecting a co-pilot for your transcontinental journey. Choose wisely, African child!
READ: Love Without Boundaries
It is in human nature to create boundaries after suffering a betrayal, loss, or emotional shock. Women more than men embrace building boundaries after one or more of such experiences, especially those who are more free-spirited and trust easily.
Women who are quick to love without boundaries build the strongest boundaries after an emotional betrayal. Click here.
Your blog is a constant source of inspiration for me. Your passion for your subject matter shines through in every post, and it’s clear that you genuinely care about making a positive impact on your readers.
Thank you Bridgette for your wonderful comment.