When it comes to relationships, you might think to yourself, Do I have dealbreakers? Chances are, you do! The Survey Center on American Life studied relationship dealbreakers among men and women.
According to the study, dealbreakers between men and women are different. For men, the biggest relationship dealbreaker is someone who smokes and for women, it is being unemployed. Undoubtedly, these dealbreakers have always existed, yet dating apps have made them more prevalent.
Relationship Dealbreakers: Made Difficult by Dating Apps
Depending on how you look at it, relationship dealbreakers have been popularized by social media through the phenomenon of ‘icks’. When people say they have the ‘ick’ it means something someone has done and said has put them off that person. Yes, something as simple as a sentence may change your opinion on dating someone.
Dating apps are the place for this to happen. Now on Hinge and Bumble, you can add your interests and preferences for drinkers and smokers. With Hinge prompts, you can lay out simply how much you hate, x, y, and z. On the other hand, you may have read up on what dating mistakes not to make, but these days it isn’t enough.
Lesson 1: Identify your relationship dealbreakers
To know who you shouldn’t date, identify your relationship dealbreakers. If you do this, you can weed out people who don’t fit into your dating pool. Label your top relationship dealbreakers in your Notes app. Doing this helps you to find out what you consider relationship dealbreakers and the things you maytolerate.
Again doing this may cause you to miss out on some potential dates, but remember, you are dating for yourself. No, you do not want to give someone a chance if there is something large about them or their dating profile that you cannot overlook.
Overall the foundation of dating is based on opportunity, honesty, and integrity. Unfortunately, those who aren’t honest with themselves will end up settling for dating a partner they are not compatible with. So what’s the lesson here? Be honest, don’t settle for less, and know what you’re looking for.
Lesson 2: Discuss your relationship dealbreakers on dates
Equally important as identifying your relationship dealbreakers is discussing them on dates. Maybe first dates are ‘easy’ to an extent, but being upfront and honest about your expectations sets the scene from the get-go. After all, there is nothing worse than getting three years down the line and realising your partner has a different stance on children or marriage to you.
Also important is the discussion on first dates, not just with partners. After all everyone you date could be a potential partner, especially if you are searching for a serious relationship.
Therefore it is important to have these conservations on the first few dates to see if your life plans and goals are aligned. Doing this ensures you and the person have a good relationship compatibility, at least on paper!
Lesson 3: Look at dating profiles
For those who use online dating signs, dating red flags are often ignored. In light of how many profiles people are swiping through, they often don’t actuallylook at them.
When looking at a dating profile, it is important to read the information that has been provided. Often people will provide their political stance, what they’re looking for and things they do for fun, and information about their interests and hobbies.
Considering these nuggets of information on people’s profiles will help you to make an informed decision about your relationship dealbreakers. If you are, that is, taking what they say at face value. Even if you’re not, it might be good to bring these points up on dates to ask a person more about themselves. Because who doesn’t like being asked about themself?
Lesson 4: Know the difference between compromising and sacrificing
Whether you are years down the line or in the early stages of dating someone, you must know the difference between compromising and sacrificing in your relationship.
Healthy compromise in relationships means finding a reasonable middle ground for something that you may not like. For example, if your partner is a drinker, maybe you can compromise to allow moderate drinking; the same can apply to other habits like smoking.
However, sacrifice in a relationship looks different. Disregarding your values for love is often what sacrifice in a relationship can look like. Love can make the world go round, but incompatibility cannot be ignored. Be wary of sacrificing your core values to maintain a relationship. If you find yourself doing that, be prepared to walk away.
Relationship dealbreakers: The takeaway
Everyone’s relationship will be different when it comes to what and how much they can compromise on. It depends on both you and the person you’re dating and how agreeable you are (or not).
Simply put, stick to your dating requirements. Do not let anyone try to get you to compromise on your dating fundamentals, and do not try to change someone’s mind about things they’renot willing to compromise on. If you both feel like you can move the goalpost, then have a conversation. Otherwise, leave that person alone. They’re probably not your soulmate!
