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Are you tired of swiping through Tinder like you’re flipping channels on DStv, only to end up as lonely as a lost Maasai warrior in Nairobi? Don’t worry, Rafiki. We’re about to dive into the dating mistakes that waste your time
Jambo, my African brothers and sisters in the diaspora! Whether you’re in London, Toronto, or Minnesota (hello, Little Mogadishu!), dating in these streets can be more complicated.
But hakuna matata! We’re about to break down the dating mistakes that’ll have you running in circles like you’re doing Chakacha at a Swahili wedding. 
So, put down that plate of pilau, silence those WhatsApp messages from your nosy aunties asking when you’ll bring someone home, and let’s dive into these dating don’ts!
1. Playing Hard to Get
Listen, this isn’t a Bongo movie where playing hard to get leads to a dramatic confession of love at a Serengeti sunset. In real life, it’s about as effective as using a plastic spoon to eat mbuzi choma.
You’re just confusing potential partners and wasting everyone’s time. If you like someone, show it! Don’t be out here acting like you’ve got the emotional range of a Dar es Salaam Daladala conductor when deep down you’re feeling butterflies like you just ate your first plate of biriani after Ramadan.
2. Ignoring Red Flags
I know that person might look finer than Vanessa Mdee or Diamond Platnumz on their best day, but if they’re throwing more red flags than you’d see at a Gor Mahia match, it’s time to bounce.
Don’t ignore warning signs just because someone’s got a face that could make even your bibi say “Mungu wangu!” Your time is too valuable to waste on someone who’s not right for you, no matter how many likes their selfies at Blankets and Wine get.
3. Oversharing on the First Date
The first date isn’t the time to spill all your chai. You don’t need to tell them about how your ex cheated on you with your best friend’s cousin from Mombasa, or how your baba is pressuring you to take over the family business back in Kampala.
Keep some mystery alive! Save those juicy stories for later, when you know each other better than the lyrics to Sauti Sol’s “Suzanna.”
4. Not Being Clear About What You Want
If you’re looking for a serious relationship that’ll make your mama proud enough to slaughter a goat, say so! Don’t be out here acting like you’re cool with “just vibing” when deep down you’re dreaming of introducing someone to your parents over Christmas.
And if you’re just trying to have some fun before your arranged marriage next year, be upfront about that too. Clarity is key, people! Don’t leave your date more confused than a tourist trying to choose between Matoke and Ugali.
5. Stalking Their Social Media
I see you, scrolling through their Facebook photos from 2010 when they were still rocking Kitenge bucket hats and oversized football jerseys! Put the phone down and step away slowly.
Obsessing their social media is not only a waste of time, but it’s also creepier than that uncle who always asks for a dance at family gatherings. Focus on getting to know the real person, not their carefully curated online persona that’s more filtered than Lake Victoria water.
6. Trying to Change Someone
Listen, if you’re dating someone hoping they’ll change, you’re wasting your time. You can’t turn a Tusker lover into a Konyagi enthusiast, and you can’t make someone be who you want them to be.
Either accept them as they are – tribal marks, loud Swahili coastal accent, and all – or move on to greener pastures like the Maasai Mara.
7. Settling Because You’re Tired of Being Single
I know the pressure from family can be more intense than a Kenyan mother’s stare when you come home smelling of Chang’aa, but settling for any random person just to avoid another lecture is a recipe for disaster.
Being in a bad relationship is way worse than being single. Trust me, your future self will thank you for holding out for the right person, even if it means enduring a few more years of your aunties trying to set you up with their friends’ children from back home in Kigali.
8. Neglecting Your Own Life
Don’t put your whole life on pause just because you’ve started dating someone new. Keep grinding for that promotion, hanging out with your squad, and enjoying your hobbies (yes, even if it’s watching Nollywood movies till 3 AM because let’s face it, we all do).
A relationship should add flavor to your life like pilipili to your kachumbari, not become your whole meal.
9. Comparing Your Relationship to Others
Stop looking at other couples on Instagram and thinking, “Why can’t we be posting couple safari photos like them?” Every relationship is different, and what works for Nameless and Wahu might not work for you and your bae.
Focus on building something authentic with your partner instead of trying to copy someone else’s relationship highlight reel.
10. Not Communicating Your Feelings
We’re not mganga or prophets, people! If something’s bothering you, speak up. Don’t expect your partner to guess what’s wrong like they’re solving a Great Zimbabwe mystery.
Clear communication can solve problems before they even start, faster than shea butter clears dark spots.
Conclusion
Remember, life’s too short to be wasting time on dating mistakes. Take these tips to heart, and you’ll be well on your way to a more efficient love life.
Now go forth and date wisely, my people! May your love life be as smooth as fresh mafuta ya nazi and as sweet as mabuyu. Kwaheri, class dismissed!
READ: Are We Asking the Right Questions Before We Get Physical?
Before engaging in sexual activity, ask the right questions to ensure that both parties are on the same page and feel safe, respected, and comfortable. Click here to read.
