|
Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...
|
You’ve finally found “the one,” but your ride-or-die homie isn’t feeling it. Suddenly, you’re caught in a tug-of-war between your heart and your friendship
You’re in love, but your bestie isn’t feeling it. Sound familiar? For many Africans living abroad, balancing cultural expectations, personal choices, and friendships can be a real struggle. This article will break down how to handle that tricky situation when your ride-or-die homie just can’t get on board with your significant other.
The Heart-to-Heart Hustle
Time to grab some suya and have a real talk with your bestie. Maybe they’re still salty about that time your partner “accidentally” called Nigeria the giant of Africa at your last get-together. 
Ask pointed questions: Is it a personality clash? Cultural differences? Or are they just missing your weekly trips to that hole-in-the-wall Ethiopian spot in Harlem?
Get specific examples of what’s rubbing them the wrong way. Did your partner commit the cardinal sin of dissing Wizkid? Or is it something deeper, like how they treat the waitstaff at your favorite Ghanaian restaurant?
Listen without interrupting, even if their reasons sound as ridiculous as claiming South African braai is better than Kenyan nyama choma.
The Bae Briefing
Now, sit your partner down for some real talk. Maybe over some homemade pap and akara to soften the blow. Explain the situation without throwing your friend under the matatu.
Be specific about the concerns raised. If your friend thinks your partner is too “Americanized,” discuss ways to showcase their African roots. Maybe suggest they learn to make a mean egusi soup or master the art of haggling at the local African market.
The Neutral Ground Maneuver
Forget forced double dates at that fancy fusion restaurant in Brooklyn. Instead, invite both parties to a laid-back event where they can interact without pressure.
How about a watch party for the next big Africa Cup of Nations match? Nothing brings people together like screaming at the referee over bad calls.
Or organize a group outing to that new African art exhibit at the museum. Shared experiences can bridge gaps.
The Mirror Moment
Take a hard look at your relationship. Is your partner really integrating with your African diaspora community? Do they make an effort to learn about your specific culture, or do they lump all African countries together like some clueless American?
If your Kenyan friend says your Nigerian partner is “too loud,” is it a cultural misunderstanding or a genuine personality clash? Don’t brush off concerns just because your partner brings you breakfast in bed every Sunday with a side of dodo.
The Line in the Sand
If your friend keeps throwing more shade than a baobab tree, it’s time to set some boundaries. Be clear:
“Esther, I know you’re looking out for me, but comparing my partner to my cheating ex every time we meet isn’t cool. Unless you see them actually disrespecting me or our culture, I need you to dial it back.”
Be as firm as your auntie refusing to give out her secret pounded yam recipe.
The Agree to Disagree Pact
Sometimes, you just have to accept that your Tanzanian bestie and your Ivorian boo won’t be braiding each other’s hair anytime soon. It’s not ideal, but it’s not a deal-breaker either.
Arrange separate hangouts – girls’ night at the Senegalese spot, date night at the Nigerian restaurant. Just be prepared for some awkward moments at big events like your cousin’s traditional wedding.
The Long-Term Strategy
Give it time. Your friend might come around when they see your partner rocking African prints at the next diaspora mixer or enthusiastically learning to cook fufu without making a mess.
Keep inviting both to community events, from Independence Day celebrations to fundraisers for projects back home. Shared experiences and shared values can bridge many gaps.
Conclusion: How to Handle it When Your Bestie Thinks Your Boo is Bad News
Dealing with a friend’s disapproval of your partner is trickier than explaining to your American colleagues why you can’t just “pop home to Africa” for the weekend. But with patience, clear communication, and a willingness to see multiple perspectives, you can navigate this challenge.
Who knows? Your skeptical friend and disapproved partner might end up bonding over their shared love of koki beans or their mutual distaste for American attempts at “African” cuisine.
And if not, well, at least you’ll have perfected the art of cultural and interpersonal diplomacy – a skill as valuable as knowing the best spot for late-night pepper soup in every major city.
READ: Hyper-Independence: Why Going Solo Isn’t Always the Best Path
We carry not just suitcases, but the weight of our dreams, our families’ hopes, and the pressure to succeed in lands where our names are often mispronounced.
But this hyper-independent mindset, while celebrated in our LinkedIn posts, can be our undoing.
