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Ever wondered why maintaining friendships feels like a breeze for some and an uphill battle for others? The secret lies in understanding the introverts vs extroverts dynamic. Let’s dive into how you can tailor your friendship maintenance strategy to your unique personality type
You’ve just touched down in London, New York, or Toronto. The city bustles around you, a far cry from the familiar rhythms of Johannesburg, Kampala, or Accra.
As you navigate this new world of oyster cards, subway tokens, or Tim Horton’s coffee, you realize that friendship maintenance is your lifeline to sanity. But here’s the kicker – your personality type is the hidden factor determining how you’ll tackle this challenge. 
Are you the introvert who’d rather curl up with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s latest novel than hit the club scene? Or the extrovert who’s already planning a watch party for the next Africa Cup of Nations?
The Introvert’s Guide to Friendship Maintenance
1. Quality Over Quantity: Depth is Your Superpower
For introverts, friendship maintenance isn’t about collecting social media followers or attending every event. It’s about fostering deep, meaningful connections. Instead of forcing yourself to attend large gatherings that leave you exhausted, focus on one-on-one interactions.
Invite a friend over for a home-cooked meal of jollof rice or injera. The familiar tastes of home combined with intimate conversation create the perfect setting for authentic connection. This approach to friendship maintenance aligns perfectly with the introvert’s preference for meaningful, low-key interactions.
2. Digital Connections: Your Technological Ally
In the age of WhatsApp, Instagram, and Zoom, introverts have a new toolkit for friendship maintenance. Use these platforms to stay connected without the drain of constant face-to-face interactions.
Create a WhatsApp group for sharing African literature recommendations or discussing the latest Nollywood releases. This allows you to engage in culturally relevant discussions while maintaining control over your social energy. It’s a win-win for introverts looking to tailor their friendship maintenance to their personality type.
3. Recharge and Reconnect: The Introvert’s Rhythm
Don’t beat yourself up for needing alone time. It’s not a flaw; it’s a feature of your personality type. Communicate this need to your friends.
Explain that your periods of silence aren’t rejection – they’re necessary recharge sessions that allow you to be fully present when you do connect.
After a period of solitude, reach out with a thoughtful gesture. Send a voice note sharing your thoughts on a mutual interest, or mail a small gift that reminds you of your shared homeland. This shows that even during your quiet times, your friends are on your mind.
The Extrovert’s Approach to Friendship Maintenance
1. Group Activities: Your Social Playground
As an extrovert, your energy soars in group settings. Leverage this in your friendship maintenance strategy. Organize gatherings that celebrate your African heritage while fostering group bonding.
Host a ‘Taste of Africa’ potluck where everyone brings a dish from their country. Or organize a watch party for popular African shows like “Blood & Water” or “Queen Sono.” These events satisfy your need for social interaction while creating shared experiences that strengthen friendships.
2. Be the Connector: Your Social Superpower
Your natural ability to bring people together is a valuable asset in friendship maintenance. Use it to expand and strengthen your social circle.
Introduce friends from different circles to each other. Maybe your coworker from Ghana would hit it off with your neighbor from Zimbabwe. By creating these connections, you’re not just maintaining friendships – you’re building a community.
3. Balance is Key: The Extrovert’s Challenge
While you thrive on social interactions, remember that effective friendship maintenance requires depth too. Make time for one-on-one conversations amidst the group activities.
After a big gathering, follow up individually with friends. Ask about that job interview they mentioned or how their family back home is doing. This shows you’re not just about the party – you genuinely care about their lives.
Finding Middle Ground: Bridging the Introverts vs Extroverts Divide
1. Communicate Your Needs: The Foundation of Understanding
Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, clear communication about your friendship maintenance style is crucial. Explain how your personality type influences your social needs and energy levels.
An introvert might say, “I love spending time with you, but large groups drain me quickly. Can we plan more one-on-one hangouts?” An extrovert could express, “I feel most connected when we’re doing activities together. How about we try a new experience each month?”
2. Compromise: The Art of Balanced Friendship
Friendship maintenance requires flexibility from both introverts and extroverts. Introverts challenge themselves to occasionally step into more social settings. Extroverts learn to appreciate quieter, more intimate forms of connection.
Alternate between group activities and smaller gatherings. This balanced approach ensures both personality types feel their needs are met in the friendship.
3. Respect Differences: Celebrating Diversity in Friendship
Understanding and appreciating the differences between introverts and extroverts is key to successful friendship maintenance. Instead of trying to change each other, celebrate the unique perspectives each personality type brings to the friendship.
Remember: An introvert’s thoughtful insights can balance an extrovert’s enthusiastic energy. This diversity enriches your friendships and broadens your perspective.
Conclusion: Tailoring Friendship Maintenance to Your Personality Type
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to friendship maintenance. Your personality type – whether introvert or extrovert – plays a crucial role in how you connect with others. By tailoring your friendship maintenance strategy to your personality type, you can build lasting, fulfilling relationships in your new home.
As Africans in the diaspora, maintaining these connections is not just about social fulfillment – it’s about creating a support system that understands your unique experiences. So embrace your personality type, communicate openly, and watch your friendships flourish.
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