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It’s 3 AM in Toronto. Amina Hassan, a Kenyan software engineer, is still up. She’s preparing a work presentation, planning her grandmother’s birthday in Mombasa, and trying to figure out Canadian taxes. Her cold chai sits forgotten. For many Africans abroad, this is life. We’re pros at juggling it all alone. But is this hyper-independence serving us well?
From the yam markets of Ibadan to the glass towers of Manhattan, Africans in the diaspora are renowned for their hustle.
We carry not just suitcases, but the weight of our dreams, our families’ hopes, and the pressure to succeed in lands where our names are often mispronounced. But this hyper-independent mindset, while celebrated in our LinkedIn posts, can be our undoing. 
Definition of Hyper-Independence
Hyper-independence is like being a one-person football team. It’s Oluwaseun Adeyemi, the Yoruba medical student at King’s College London, who refuses to join BAME study groups because “I’ve topped my class since secondary school in Lagos.”
It’s Amina Omar, the Somali marketing executive at Target’s headquarters in Minneapolis, who won’t delegate even simple tasks, convinced her American-born colleagues can’t grasp her vision.
It’s the reflexive “I’m managing” when your Ghanaian roommate, Kwesi, asks if you’re homesick, even as you fight back tears while scrolling through photos of your sister’s naming ceremony back in Accra.
The Negative Effects of Hyper-Independence
The cost of hyper-independence is steep. Take Kwame Ansah, a 28-year-old Ghanaian accountant at Deloitte in Montreal. He prided himself on 70-hour work weeks, fueled by Tim Horton coffee, and never asking for help decoding Quebec’s unique tax laws.
The result? A stress-induced breakdown that led to a two-week stay at Jewish General Hospital, a broken engagement to his high school sweetheart in Kumasi, and growing isolation from both his Canadian colleagues and the vibrant Ghanaian community in Little Burgundy.
Hyper-independence can lead to chronic stress, deteriorating health, and missed opportunities for both personal and professional growth.
The Importance of Interdependence
Remember the Zulu concept of Ubuntu – “I am because we are”? This wisdom is even more crucial when you’re trying to navigate the Toronto subway system or decode Australian slang.
Interdependence isn’t admitting defeat; it’s a savvy strategy for thriving in a new environment. It’s about creating a network that offers emotional support, opens doors to job opportunities at companies like TD Bank or Telus, and keeps you connected to your roots through events like Afrofest.
Building Healthy Relationships
Start small. Attend that Kenyan Jamhuri Day celebration at Woodbine Park you’ve been avoiding. Join the “African Professionals in Tech – Greater Toronto Area” LinkedIn group.
Open up to your Cameroonian coworker, Emile, about the challenges of sending money back home through Western Union without incurring massive fees. These seemingly minor steps can blossom into relationships that combat the isolation often bred by hyper-independence.
Seeking Support and Asking for Help
For many hyper-independent diasporans, asking for help feels like admitting failure. But it’s a crucial skill to relearn. Begin with low-stakes situations.
Maybe ask your Ethiopian neighbor, Meron, to water your aloe vera plants while you’re away visiting family in Addis. Or reach out to the Egyptian Coptic family down the street for advice on enrolling kids in the Toronto Catholic District School Board. Each request chips away at the walls of hyper-independence.
Overcoming Fear of Vulnerability
Vulnerability often feels like weakness to those raised on the mantra of self-reliance. But consider this: sharing your struggle with understanding the Ontario Health Insurance Plan (OHIP) or admitting you’re lost navigating the London Underground can deepen your connections.
It allows others to see your humanity and often leads to unexpected help and friendship, like that time Adeola from Nigeria showed you how to use the Presto card on the GO Train.
Finding Balance Between Independence and Interdependence
Balance is key. You don’t need to abandon the drive that brought you from Kinshasa to New York or from Cape Town to Calgary. The goal is to complement your independence with meaningful connections.
Be the go-getter who lands the big client at your Bay Street law firm, but also the friend who knows when to call your Zimbabwean crew for a much-needed night out at The Real Jerk for some oxtail and reggae.
Embracing Connection and Community
In the diaspora, the community is your anchor. Embrace it fully. Join that Senegalese dance class you’ve been eyeing on Instagram, taught at the Harbourfront Centre. Attend the annual Afro Carib Fest at Woodbine Park.
Volunteer to mentor newly arrived African students at the University of Toronto’s African Students Association. These connections not only fight hyper-independence but also keep you grounded in your heritage while flourishing in the multicultural mosaic of your new home.
Conclusion
Breaking free from hyper-independence is like learning to dance the Adumu after years of solo performances. It might feel awkward at first, but soon you’ll find your rhythm in the circle, whether that’s at an East African wedding in Scarborough or a West African naming ceremony in North York.
You’ll discover more joy, less stress, and deeper connections that span continents. Remember, even the mighty baobab tree in Senegal’s Sine Saloum Delta needs a forest to thrive. It’s time to let go of the solo act and embrace the power of community.
After all, in the words of our ancestors, “If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” In the diaspora, we’re all on a journey – why not travel it side by side?
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