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If you’re wondering why online dating isn’t working for you, it’s time for some tough love. Grab your favorite comfort food – be it fufu, injera, or a big plate of jollof – because we’re about to serve some hard truths, seasoned with a dash of humor and a sprinkle of “you need to hear this.”
Remember when you thought moving abroad would expand your dating pool? Instead, you’re drowning in a sea of profiles, feeling more lost than when you tried to explain to your American coworkers why you can’t just “pop home for the weekend.”
Well, online dating was supposed to be the answer, right? The digital cupid connects hearts across continents. But here you are, still single, wondering why online dating isn’t working its magic for you. Let’s break down the reasons why online dating isn’t working for you. 
Your Profile Is Blander Than Unseasoned Chicken
Why online dating isn’t working for you starts with your digital first impression – your profile. Right now, it’s giving off “I’m as interesting as watching paint dry” vibes. Your bio needs more flavor than your aunt’s secret peanut soup recipe.
Instead of the generic “I like traveling and trying new foods” (who doesn’t?), get specific. Share your passion for collecting African art, your goal to visit every country on the continent, or your secret talent for mimicking Afrobeat dance moves.
Tell them about the time you tried to teach your American friends how to eat fufu and the hilarious mess that ensued.
Your photos should tell a story too. Ditch the bathroom selfies and car photos. Show yourself at your cousin’s traditional wedding, rocking that gorgeous agbada or kitenge.
Include a pic of you cooking your favorite dish from home, or volunteering at the local African community center. Give potential matches a glimpse into your world, something that makes them think, “I want to be part of that!”
You’re Fishing in the Wrong Pond
Online dating isn’t working for you because you’re on apps that are about as suited to your needs as snow boots in Lagos.
You’re looking for someone who understands the nuances of straddling two cultures, who won’t be shocked when you casually mention that your uncle has three wives, or who appreciates the importance of respecting elders.
Mainstream dating apps might not be your best bet. Explore niche dating sites and apps designed specifically for Africans in the diaspora.
Platforms like Afriflirt, AfricanDate, or even Facebook groups for young African professionals in your city might yield better results. These spaces are more likely to connect you with people who share your background and understand your unique experiences.
Your Standards Are Higher Than Kilimanjaro
We get it. You want someone who has the education your parents dreamed of, the career success that makes your siblings jealous, the family values that would make your grandma proud, and looks that could grace the cover of “Finest Africans Monthly” (if such a magazine existed).
But here’s a hard truth: why online dating isn’t working for you might be because your checklist is longer than the list of names in a typical African family.
It’s great to have standards, but if you’re expecting a partner who’s part Obama, part Dangote, part Lupita Nyong’o, you might end up lonelier than a vegetarian at a Kenyan nyama choma festival.
Remember, a good relationship is about growth together, not finding a ready-made perfect package.
You’re Playing Games (And Not the Fun Kind)
Online dating isn’t working for you because you’re treating it like a complicated strategy game. You’re waiting exactly 3 hours and 17 minutes to reply because you don’t want to seem too eager.
You’re purposely leaving your messages “on read” to create mystery. You’re overthinking every emoji choice like it’s a diplomatic decision at the African Union.
Stop. This isn’t a Nollywood drama where playing hard to get leads to a dramatic declaration of love in the rain. Be genuine, be responsive. If you like someone, tell them.
No need for grand gestures – a simple “I enjoyed our chat, would love to continue over coffee” can work wonders. Life’s too short for mind games, and your potential soulmate might swipe left while you’re busy calculating your next move.
You’re Not Being Your Authentic Self
Why online dating isn’t working could be because you’re presenting a polished, Instagram-filter version of yourself instead of the real deal. Yes, we all want to impress, but pretending to love hiking when the only elevation you enjoy is the lift to your apartment isn’t the way to go.
Embrace your quirks and your culture. Love Afrobeats? Say it loud and proud. Can’t start your day without a cup of Ethiopian coffee? Make it known.
Still live with your parents because in your culture that’s normal until marriage? Own it. The right person will appreciate your authenticity more than your ability to pretend you enjoy kale smoothies and solo backpacking trips.
You’re Not Putting in the Effort
Online dating isn’t working for you because you’re treating it like a side hustle when it needs the dedication of a main gig. You can’t just create a profile, sprinkle it with a few emojis, and expect your future spouse to fall from the sky like manna in the desert.
Engage in meaningful conversations. Ask questions about their background, their dreams, and their favorite dish from home. Show genuine interest.
Remember, finding love online requires more effort than convincing your parents that your arts degree was a good idea or explaining to your American friends why you can’t just “lighten up” about Black Panther inaccuracies.
You’re Rushing Things
Lastly, online dating isn’t working for you because you’re trying to go from match to marriage faster than you can say “I do” in all your native languages. Slow down, oh eager one. Take time to get to know people beyond their profile stats and carefully curated photos.
Building a connection takes time, just like perfecting your jollof recipe or learning all the verses of your national anthem. Don’t push for a serious relationship before you’ve even met in person. Allow things to develop naturally.
Use the online platform to establish a connection, then move to video calls, and eventually, in-person meetings (in safe, public places, of course – your mom didn’t raise a fool).
Conclusion: Why Online Dating Isn’t Working for You
Remember, online dating is a tool, not a magic wand that’ll conjure your soulmate with a few swipes. It takes time, effort, authenticity, and a healthy dose of humor. So update that profile, be your wonderful, unique self, and approach the process with patience and an open mind.
Who knows? Your perfect match might be just a swipe away, wondering why online dating isn’t working for them either. And if all else fails, well, there’s always your auntie’s friend’s son, right? At least that way, your mom will stop asking why you’re not married yet every time you call home.
READ: Petite Women: Breaking Down the Myths of Masculine Attraction
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