With human relationships, moments of connection and companionship often form the threads that bind us together as friends. Yet, amidst shared experiences, there are instances when cracks appear in friendships. Albeit repairable, they tend to leave behind a dissonant note of disappointment.
Few things can match the sting of anticipation met with absence. One such is the ache of waiting in vain for the presence of friends who don’t show up when you need them the most.
In this article, The Love Central explores the complex interplay of expectations, understanding, and moving forward when the bonds of friendship encounter an unexpected test.
A couple of years ago, an old classmate complained about how her best friend – who lived in another state – wasn’t there to help her plan her wedding and only showed up a day before the wedding to carry out her chief bridesmaid duties.
She says the friend seemed distant all through the planning process and thus, must have been jealous that she had found love. She would later learn that at the time, the said best friend was dealing with fibroid complications and was admitted to a hospital.
Sadly, she found out about this only after she had cut her best friend off.
With relationships, most people tend to put more energy into romantic relationships than friendships. One is likely to forgive an erring partner more times than they would a friend who has wronged them.
This is a rather unfair pedestal that people put their friends on as it gives little room for grace.
Well, if you are in a place where it feels like cutting your friend off is the best option because they didn’t come through for you at a time you needed them, there are a few things you might want to consider before you pull that plug.
Communicating these feelings with your friends
Communication is essential in every type of relationship, and friendship is certainly not the exception. Often times we make the mistake of assuming that the erring friend ought to know better because they know you so well.
We assume that they are aware of their offence, so rather than speak to them about it, you form an opinion about them or worse – you speak to other people about them.
The truth is, some people are not as perceptive as others. This does not mean they are insensitive or selfish, it simply means they sometimes may need you to tell them when they have committed an offence.
A true friendship should have enough room for constructive dialogues addressing matters that impact both individuals involved. By expressing your concerns, you create a meaningful opportunity for reconciliation and resolution to take root.
Manage expectations in friendships
Rather than condemn a friend for not meeting an expectation they knew nothing about, how about you take a few steps back and do some introspection?
Communicate your expectations to your friends, and tell them how and when you would like them to show up for you during important moments.
Your friendship is most likely to go a lot smoother when you don’t treat your friends like all-knowing magicians in issues that affect you.
Extend grace and sympathy with erring friends
Your friends are not infallible. They are human, just like you, and deserve grace when they fail as friends.
Like my classmate who was unhappy with her best friend’s absence during her wedding preparations (rightfully so), extending grace would have prevented that friendship from ending.
Rather than assume the worst, separate the person’s actions from how you feel about them as an overall person. This allows you to empathize with the person especially if you genuinely care about them.
So, the next time you feel like your friends haven’t been there for you like they should, try any of these before you consider removing them from your life.
Friendship Hot Takes: 10 People Share Interesting Insights
When it comes to friendships, everyone has got that one story – either an exceptionally good experience, a bad one, or even a rib-cracking tale. These experiences collectively form people’s opinions about how to navigate friendships.
Recently, a Twitter post prompting people to share their unconventional opinions about friendships saw a torrent of eye-popping and interesting takes.
