“What do you bring to the table?”
It’s a question that’s become common in today’s dating conversations. One that reflects deeper values and unspoken expectations in relationships.
But a woman’s value goes far beyond the surface-level narratives we often see on social media. It’s rooted in her emotional wisdom, her ability to lead with both strength and softness, and the legacy she builds in every space she enters.
This article isn’t about defending or justifying a woman’s role. It’s an invitation to look deeper; to explore the love she gives, the leadership she lives out, and the generational impact she makes every single day.
The cliché (“what do you bring to the table”) is often asked by men to gauge the value a woman offers in a new relationship. However, many women view it as demeaning or a potential red flag.
In my opinion, most men can sense a woman’s value in a relationship within the first few months of dating. A man assesses his needs—such as love, care, patience, peace of mind, and support—and compares them to what his partner provides. If he feels she falls short, he may attempt to manage the situation, but in some cases, he might choose to end the relationship.
Understanding the Diversity of Male Expectations
Discussing gender-based roles in a relationship is crucial, as it helps both partners understand each other’s values and expectations. When values do not align, it can lead to misunderstandings and dissatisfaction. Hence, it is wise to consider moving on if differences persist.
It’s essential to recognize that men have different expectations in a partnership, which could be influenced by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and societal norms. Some men desire a loving, nurturing woman who embodies “wife material” and is willing to cook, clean, and care for children and the household.
On the flip side, others may seek a woman who is loving and caring but also financially independent, someone who will share responsibilities equally in a relationship and not be a financial burden in marriage.
For these individuals, the ideal relationship involves sharing responsibilities equally, both in the home and financially. Ultimately, having an open conversation about these roles and expectations can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling partnership.
The Birth of the “I Am the Table” Response
The “What Do You Bring?” mentality reduces women to a list of assets like cooking, income, status, and physical beauty, transforming love into a competition rather than fostering a genuine connection. This issue gave rise to the “I am the table” movement.
Several women have clapped back, responding to the question by saying, “I am the table,” indicating that they view themselves as essential to the existence of the relationship, asserting that they are the reason for the existence of the “table.”
Do you agree with this perspective?
The phrase “I am the table” has become a feminist declaration. Women are pushing back against the long-standing pressure to prove their worth in relationships.
Furthermore, it challenges the transactional mindset that asks women what they “bring” to a relationship, reducing them to a checklist of roles, such as caretaker, provider, or homemaker. It reclaims their worth and asserts that a woman’s presence, energy, and essence are valuable on their own, without needing external validation or justification.
This statement also reflects a broader cultural shift in how women view themselves and their relationships. It serves as a boundary-setting declaration rooted in self-worth, stemming from exhaustion with one-sided expectations. “I am the table” is not about arrogance or pride; rather, it emphasizes the importance of not shrinking or overextending oneself to be seen as “worthy.”
It represents a move towards mutual respect, emotional equity, and choosing connections that recognize women as complete individuals, without the need to prove their value.
Is Beauty and Sex Enough?
Over time, some women have come to believe or have been conditioned to believe that their primary value in a relationship lies in their beauty and sexuality.
Sadly, this belief is shaped by a culture that rewards physical appearance and objectifies women, reinforcing the notion that desirability equals worth. However, the fundamental question remains: Is beauty and sex truly sufficient to nurture and sustain a lasting relationship?
The harsh truth is that while beauty and sexual chemistry may open doors, they rarely keep them open, especially in a world where beauty is abundant and where aging is inevitable.
Emotional maturity, communication skills, integrity, shared values, empathy, and the ability to grow together over time are essential elements for building lasting love.
A confident woman who embraces her depth, inner strength, and intellect alongside her beauty is far more likely to cultivate a relationship based on mutual respect, rather than just momentary desire.
The Tragedy of Transactional Thinking in Modern Dating
Both men and women have much more to offer one another than society often acknowledges. Unfortunately, modern dating has become increasingly transactional. A man’s value is often tied to his financial capacity, while a woman’s worth is frequently judged by her appearance or domestic abilities. This narrow view dehumanizes both parties and undermines the depth needed for meaningful connections.
Such a mindset fosters entitlement over empathy and performance over genuine connection. People begin to approach relationships with a “what can you do for me?” mentality, rather than asking about each other’s true selves and how to build something significant together.
This can leave men feeling used for their wallets and women feeling objectified. As the excitement fades or financial circumstances change, there is little left to sustain the relationship.
Long-term fulfillment comes from emotional safety, mutual respect, and shared effort. We need to shift away from the “give-to-get” mentality and foster partnerships that honor each person as a whole, rather than merely the roles they play.
A Tale of Modern Independence: When Success Meets Loneliness
Picture a successful, independent woman who is a millionaire with multiple businesses across the country. She resides in a mansion, relies on several maids, and hardly lifts a finger.
She lives what many would consider a “princess lifestyle” because she has worked hard for it. All she wants now is to complete her success by becoming a mother to twins. Since she hasn’t had success in her relationships, she chooses to use a sperm donor and a surrogate to carry her child.
Technically speaking, she has “bought” her way to motherhood. Similarly, many successful men take this route to become fathers, believing it brings them fulfillment.
Some men argue that a woman’s value in a relationship can be bought, while some women think the same of men, suggesting they can exist independently of one another.
Though men and women can live independently, healthy relationships are highly desirable as they enrich both parties. When women actively engage in their relationships beyond the bedroom, they have much to contribute.
Love. Leadership. Legacy: The Triple Impact of a Woman in Relationships
In a world that often undervalues or oversimplifies a woman’s role in relationships, this framework—Love, Leadership, and Legacy—highlights her profound influence. A woman is not merely a supporter; she shapes and directs the essence of a relationship, leaving an enduring legacy.
When we consider the question, “What do women bring to the table in a relationship or marriage?” it’s essential to recognize that the answer can be explored through various lenses: emotional, psychological, and social.
While every individual is unique, the following is a comprehensive overview of the common contributions made by many women in relationships.
Let’s Explore Each Pillar:
1. LOVE (Her Emotional Superpower): A woman’s love goes beyond affection; it forms the emotional backbone of a healthy relationship. Women often possess deep emotional intelligence that nurtures connection, empathy, and healing.
What She Brings:
- Emotional Intimacy: Women are sensitive and intuitive. They can sense the unspoken needs of their partners and children, offering compassion and understanding.
- Unconditional Support: They stand by their loved ones in times of struggle, providing strength and encouragement when it’s most needed. For example, if her husband loses his job, she offers her shoulder to comfort him. She listens empathetically to his pain and provides meaningful words of advice to help him get back on his feet.
- Physical Intimacy (Affection and Warmth): Women connect deeply with their spouses during intimate moments. They create an atmosphere where their partners can be vulnerable and expressive. Small gestures like touching and kind words foster a nurturing environment of safety and comfort.
2. LEADERSHIP (The Quiet Strength Behind the Scenes): While often understated, a woman’s leadership is evident in the way she guides and stabilizes family dynamics.
What She Brings:
- Vision and Foresight: Women set strategic goals for their families, anticipating challenges and paving the way for growth.
- Emotional Governance: Emotionally mature women model healthy communication and conflict resolution, fostering emotional resilience. Instead of shying away from conflict, she addresses issues directly through open communication.
- Multi-Dimensional Management: Women are incredible multitaskers. They balance careers, parenting, and personal growth while maintaining the emotional pulse of the home. For instance, after returning from work, a woman may attend to her children’s needs, start preparing dinner, and help them with their homework before tucking them into bed. Women are often selfless, prioritizing their kids’ and husbands’ welfare over theirs.
3. LEGACY (The Impact That Echoes for Generations): Legacy is about what women build and pass down that shapes future generations.
What She Brings:
- Childbearing: A woman makes significant sacrifices to bear children for her husband in order to continue his lineage. Pregnancy takes a toll on a woman’s body and mental health, and many women face risks during childbirth. This underscores the importance of showing respect for women.
- Cultural and Moral Anchoring: Women preserve family traditions and values, guiding the formation of identity. They instill moral values in their children, helping them become responsible adults in society.
- Generational Influence: Women serve as role models for their children. Through mentorship and parenting, they empower future leaders. Children spend much of their formative years with their mothers, absorbing their behaviors and values.
- Home as Sanctuary: Women create a peaceful home built on love, imparting values through their presence and actions. For example, if a husband is afraid to go home to meet a nagging wife, he may prefer spending time with friends before returning home. A woman’s nurturing presence can make all the difference; her warmth transforms the home into a haven.
In essence, a woman leaves behind a blueprint for future generations, ensuring that her love, leadership, and legacy continue to thrive long after she is gone.
Beyond the Checklist: Redefining a Woman’s Worth
A woman is more than her domestic skills, beauty, or income; she embodies love, leadership, and legacy. Her emotional depth and nurturing presence are essential to a healthy, lasting partnership.
As we challenge outdated norms, both men and women need to look beyond superficial contributions and embrace mutual respect and shared purpose. Relationships are living unions, not business deals. Learning to honor humanity over worth fosters deeper love.
Further Reading 👇
We live in an era where many people, especially women, believe that any man whose income doesn’t match their ideal of a high-value man isn’t worth giving a chance.
Discover what it truly means to be a high-value man in this exclusive article, featuring insights from a family life practitioner, pastor, author, life coach, relationship therapist, and marriage counselor with 11 years of relevant experience.
