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Key Highlights
- Deep, meaningful connections provide emotional support and resilience
- Despite increased online interactions, many individuals, experience significant loneliness
- Cultivating a small circle of trusted friends can offer essential support
Let’s face it: we live in a world where it feels illegal not to have a “squad.” You scroll Instagram and see people with birthday dinners that look like wedding receptions.
On TikTok, strangers become “besties” over viral challenges. Even LinkedIn has people announcing new friends like job promotions:
“Thrilled to be connecting with such amazing humans this weekend!”
And there you are. With your three real ones. Or maybe just one—Shola, who only texts you when he’s hungry. Or Adaeze, who sends two-minute voice notes with no context but always asks about your mum.
Meanwhile, you’re wondering, “Is something wrong with me?”
No. You’re just not trying to keep up with a friendship economy that runs on likes, loudness, and low returns.
Why We Think More Friends = Better Life (Spoiler: It Doesn’t)
Ever heard of friendship inflation? No? That’s because I just made it up. But it’s real.
In 2025, friendship feels like a numbers game. Everyone wants to be “booked and busy” with a social calendar full of brunches, paint-and-sip nights, and destination birthdays in Tulum or Dubai.
But here’s what they don’t post on the grid:
- The loneliness after everyone leaves.
- The drama from unspoken competition.
- The exhaustion of being everyone’s ‘go-to’ but nobody’s priority.
According to a 2024 Gallup poll, more than 40% of Americans report feeling lonely “most of the time”—despite being surrounded by people online.
If you’re an African in diaspora, this resonates deeply. You’re balancing time zones with loved ones back home, working twice as hard to prove yourself, and battling microaggressions at work—friendship shouldn’t be another performance.
The Danger of Overextending Yourself
Here’s the harsh truth: trying to maintain too many friendships will leave you emotionally bankrupt.
Think of your energy as mobile data. If you spread it across 20 apps (read: friends), it runs out fast—and none of them work well. But if you focus on just 3 or 4, the connection is stronger and more meaningful.
When you have too many social obligations, you start missing out on actual connection. You:
- Reply with emojis instead of real thoughts
- Cancel hangouts because you’re socially fried
- Show up but aren’t mentally present
Sound familiar?
And while you’re busy “keeping in touch,” you’re not actually touching anything real. It’s not sustainable. It’s social noise without emotional signal.
“It’s better to walk with a friend in the dark than alone in the light.” – Helen Keller.
Few Close Friends: The Real Wealth in 2025
Let’s be clear: having a few close friends is not a weakness. It’s an intentional lifestyle choice.
When your tire bursts on I-95 at 11:45 PM, your Instagram followers won’t come. But Nneka will.
When your Jollof rice burns and you cry out of nowhere, Chidi will bring suya and sit with you in silence.
When USCIS sends that long email and your heart stops—you know exactly who to forward it to.
Research from the University of Michigan shows that people who maintain fewer, more intimate friendships report higher levels of well-being and lower levels of anxiety.
This rings especially true for Africans in diaspora who don’t have family within driving distance. Your chosen family becomes your lifeline.
The Social Media Illusion: Always Online, Rarely Known
Yes, you’re in 7 WhatsApp groups. Yes, you hearted 42 people’s photos last week. But when last did you have an unfiltered conversation, one where you didn’t feel the need to sound “together”?
The social media algorithm doesn’t reward intimacy. It rewards visibility. But being seen isn’t the same as being known.
The danger? You might feel surrounded, but still emotionally isolated.
This is why fewer close friends matter more. With them:
- You don’t need to translate your jokes
- You can switch between English and Igbo, Yoruba, or Pidgin without explanation
- You don’t feel weird when you cry, mess up, or dream too big.
For Africans living in Diaspora: Friendship Must Be Intentional
As an African living in diaspora, your time is split across a thousand things: work, hustle, family back home, maybe church, maybe therapy, and definitely cooking your own food to save money.
You don’t have the bandwidth for ten surface-level friendships. You need deep, rooted connections that grow with you. Quality over quantity friendships.
So rather than trying to build a whole community, build a table. Even if it seats only three. Trust me, laughter hits different when it’s real, and silence doesn’t feel awkward when it’s safe.
How to Cultivate Fewer, Deeper Friendships
Let’s get practical. Here’s what to do instead of trying to be a social butterfly in every circle:
1. Audit Your Circle
Ask yourself: Who feels safe? Who listens without judgment? Who remembers what you told them last month? That’s your real circle. Protect it.
2. Set a “Friendship Budget”
Just like you budget for rent and groceries, budget your emotional time. Maybe you only have bandwidth for 2 hangouts a month. That’s okay. Choose wisely.
3. Create Traditions
Monthly Zoom check-ins. Birthday calls. Shared playlists. One friend who sends memes during your night shift? That’s gold.
4. Be Honest About What You Need
You don’t always have to be “strong.” Sometimes, just texting, “Hey, I’m not okay today,” is enough. And a true friend will show up.
5. Let Go Without Guilt
Some friendships expire. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person—it means you’re growing.
Conclusion: Fewer Friends, Fuller Life
So, is it okay to have just a few close friends in this loud, shiny, always-online world?
Yes. Not only okay—it’s powerful. It’s wise. It’s necessary.
You don’t need a tribe. You need trust.
You don’t need quantity. You need quality.
You don’t need everyone to like you. You need someone to *know* you.
So if you’re reading this in your kitchen in Atlanta or on the train in New Jersey, feeling a little lonely—text that one friend. Not the loudest one. The real one.
That’s more than enough.
