Key Highlights
- Living together isn’t a shortcut to a happy marriage—it might be the scenic route to heartbreak.
- For Africans in America, cohabitation clashes with deeply-rooted cultural values
- Children born into cohabiting households face nearly double the risk of instability compared to those born to married parents.
You know that moment in Nollywood films when the girlfriend shows up with her entire wardrobe, pots, and pressure cooker? That’s cohabitation—when love skips the wedding and goes straight to sharing toothpaste.
It sounds modern. It sounds sweet. It sounds like Netflix and palm wine on a Friday night. But is it really the preview to “happily ever after,” or a trapdoor to relationship disaster?
We, as Africans in America, walk the tightrope between cultural tradition and Western freedom. But before you let bae bring their suitcase, let’s unpack what cohabitation really means—and why it might be a ticking time bomb in disguise.
What Is Cohabitation? Not Just Sharing a Bed
Cohabitation is when two people in a romantic relationship decide to live together without being legally married. Simple, right? But like fufu without soup, it’s not complete.
Cohabitation is more than cooking together or arguing about thermostat settings. It’s the mingling of finances, routines, toothbrushes, and sometimes, even babies, without legal backup.
Why So Popular? Because Adulting Is Hard and Rent Is Expensive
In cities like Atlanta, Houston, and even Abuja-on-the-Hudson (hello, Bronx!), cohabitation has become a practical solution to high living costs and long-distance love.
Many African immigrants in the U.S. view cohabitation as a trial period—like testing the jollof before serving it at the party. “Let’s see if we can live together before we get married,” they say. Sounds wise, right?
Wrong—if done without structure.
What the Data Says: More Breakups, Not More Weddings
Research paints a stormy picture:
A study by the Institute for Family Studies found that couples who cohabited before engagement were 48% more likely to divorce.
The same study notes that cohabitation without a clear plan often leads to emotional inertia—people slide into marriage out of convenience, not commitment.
Among Black Americans, cohabitation is less likely to end in marriage compared to other groups—even after having children.
So if you’re thinking, “Living together will help us grow closer,” be warned: cohabitation without clarity is like entering a marathon without shoes.
Cultural Clash: What Would Mama Say?
For many Africans, marriage is not just about two people—it’s a community affair. Aunties fly in. Uncles bring envelopes. Elders bless it.
So when you say, “We’re living together, but we’re not married,” you’re not just challenging tradition—you’re inviting judgment, whispers, and maybe a phone call from Grandma in Lagos that starts with “My child, I had a dream…”
And if you’re raising children while cohabiting? The community lens gets sharper.
Children in Cohabiting Homes: Stability, or the Lack Thereof
Here’s the harsh truth: kids born into cohabiting households are twice as likely to experience instability—parents splitting up, moving houses, financial tension.
One study from the U.K. found that 54% of children born to cohabiting couples see their parents split before age 14, compared to just 17% of children born to married couples.
Let that sink in: the foundation you build today becomes the roof over your child’s head tomorrow.
Money Matters: Love Is Not a Bank Agreement
Living together without being married often means:
- No legal claim on assets.
- No health benefits.
- No clarity on who pays for what when things go sour.
Imagine sharing bills, furniture, and even pets—then breaking up and arguing over who gets the air fryer. Not romantic.
Testing the Relationship or Avoiding Commitment?
Cohabitation is often sold as a “test drive.” But what if it’s really just a way to delay decision-making?
A study by the University of Denver found that couples who live together to “test” their relationship are more likely to break up.
Why? Because they confuse comfort with commitment. It’s like dating your Uber driver just because the ride is smooth—until you realize you were never going in the same direction.
Conclusion: Love Needs More Than a Lease Agreement
Cohabitation might feel convenient. Even romantic. But without commitment, communication, and clarity, it can do more harm than good.
If you’re an African living in America, the pressure to modernize can be strong. But don’t trade long-term joy for short-term comfort.
Marriage may not be a perfect institution, but it’s one backed by intention, community, and often, a clearer roadmap.
So before you let love move in—ask yourself: Are we building a home, or just sharing a bed until something better comes along?
