Living abroad can be both an adventure and a challenge. The excitement of new experiences, new cultures, and new opportunities often comes hand in hand with stress, long hours, and an undercurrent of disconnection.
Amid all of that, keeping intimacy alive in a relationship requires more than affection, it demands attention, care, and communication. Over time, even the most passionate couples can slip into routine, where physical intimacy becomes predictable, and emotional closeness feels like it’s missing a spark.
One powerful way couples reignite that connection is by trying new sex positions. It sounds simple, but the reality is far deeper. Exploring new ways of making love can open doors to discovery, about your body, your partner’s desires, and the unspoken rhythms of your relationship.
It’s not just about adding variety for the sake of novelty; it’s about deepening trust, understanding, and pleasure. When done right, it transforms sex from something repetitive into something playful, conscious, and emotionally intimate.
Why Communication Matters When You’re Trying New Sex Positions
When you decide to try new sex positions, you are inviting change into your sexual routine. Change often brings uncertainty and risk both physically, emotionally, culturally.
Key reasons why communication is crucial:
- Research shows that sexual communication (talking about desires, boundaries, preferences) is strongly linked to both sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction. In a study of 142 couples, greater sexual communication was associated with higher orgasm frequency in women and higher relationship satisfaction in both partner
- Another study highlights that sexual communication influences sexual desire and satisfaction, showing that couples who engage openly fare better.
- For diaspora couples, the added layer of cultural expectations, possible fatigue from work or travel, and distance from familiar support systems makes communication even more important. When you both speak the same emotional language, you create space for true enjoyment rather than mis-understanding.
So, when you’re preparing to try new sex positions, remember: the talk is as important as the act. With the conversation done well, the exploration often becomes more fulfilling, safe and connected.
Preparing for the Conversation: What to Do Before You Talk
Before you sit down and say the words, a little preparation helps things go much smoother, especially when you’re navigating cross-cultural identity, remote work, or diaspora life stressors.
a) Choose the right time & place
- Pick a moment when you’re both relaxed and undistracted. Not when you’re exhausted after work, or when one of you is scrolling social media.
- Ask permission: “Hey, can we have a short chat about something intimate? No pressure, just both of us?” This shows respect and metacommunication.
b) Reflect individually first
Before talking to your partner, reflect on your own thoughts:
- What do I want from trying new sex positions? Novelty? Deeper intimacy? Shared fun?
- What are my physical or emotional constraints? (e.g., back pain, jet-lag, tension, cultural inhibitions)
- Are there cultural or personal feelings (guilt, shame, modesty) that I need to acknowledge first?
Your clarity helps you express your needs clearly.
c) Acknowledge possible awkwardness
This talk may feel a bit strange, especially if you or your partner come from cultural backgrounds where sex conversations weren’t common.
Saying something like: “I’ll be honest, this feels a little awkward—but I value our connection and thought it could be good to chat” helps both of you feel at ease.
d) Set a tone of mutual respect and curiosity
Frame the discussion as “Let’s explore together” instead of “Let’s fix things” or “You need to…” Use “I” statements (“I’d like”, “I’m curious”) rather than “You are…” or “You should…” This fosters collaboration, not pressure.
Key Areas to Cover in the Conversation Before Trying New Sex Positions
Once you’re ready and the tone is set, there are several topic areas you’ll want to cover. Each helps you and your partner align emotionally and physically.
1. Why you want to try new sex positions
- Share what’s driving you: maybe you’ve felt the routine limiting, maybe you read something or want to feel something different.
- Invite your partner: “Is there something you’ve thought about but we haven’t talked about yet?”
- When both partners understand the why, the experience becomes shared rather than one-sided.
2. What you’re comfortable with and what you’re not
- Physical comfort: Are there positions you already know work or don’t work for you? Flexibility, fatigue, back issues?
- Emotional comfort: Are there roles or positions that feel too exposed, too vulnerable, or simply not pleasurable?
- Cultural comfort: For Africans in diaspora, maybe your upbringing doesn’t talk about certain positions. That’s fine—name it. “I’m okay with this kind of variation, but I’m not comfortable with that yet.” Clear boundaries and comfort zones make it safe for exploring.
3. Health, safety & practicality
- Lubrication? Support pillows? Time needed?
- If you’re coming off long travel, busy work, jet-lag—maybe start simpler.
- If one of you has health constraints (e.g., recovering from illness, high stress, limited energy) plan accordingly.
- Talk about how you’ll pivot: if something hurts, feels wrong or unexpected, we switch. That’s okay.
4. In-the-moment check-ins & signals
- Agree on how you’ll check in during. Verbal (“Is this ok?”), non-verbal (touch, signal), or both.
- A simple safe word (or phrase) is a good idea for trying new sex positions: “Let’s adjust”, “Switch”, or “Pause”.
- When you set this beforehand, the experience becomes playful and safe rather than risky.
5. The post-experience debrief
- Decide to check in after: “Let’s talk about how that felt, what we liked, what we’ll change.”
- Debriefing is part of the cycle of intimacy.
- By doing this, you build trust and a stronger sexual connection over time.
Practical Steps for When You Actually Try New Sex Positions
Step 1: Create the right environment
- Schedule time where you’re both relaxed, no half-listening or rushing.
- Set mood: lighting, temperature, pillows, music or quiet.
- Make sure you’ve got the props you discussed: pillow, lubricant, etc.
Step 2: Begin with ease
- Try one new position rather than several.
- Consider a variation of something you already enjoy before jumping into the far out. That way, you’re exploring with a safety net.
- Respect your energy: fatigue, travel, work stress, all influence how well you’ll engage.
Step 3: Use signals & check in
- Use the agreed method: “Does this feel good?” or “Want to adjust?”
- If one partner expresses discomfort (verbal or non-verbal), switch or pause. This is not failure, it’s responsiveness.
Step 4: Be flexible and willing to switch
- Trying new sex positions doesn’t mean perfect execution. It means shared exploration.
- If the position feels awkward or less comfortable than hoped, adapt or move to something known. The connection comes first.
- For diaspora couples, where intimate moments may be less frequent or more precious, quality beats quantity.
Step 5: Aftercare & connection
- After you’re done, cuddle, talk softly, appreciate each other.
- Ask: “What did you like? What would you change next time?”
- This after-care reinforces intimacy, and makes the experience more relational.
Benefits of Trying New Sex Positions
When you talk well and explore respectfully, you gain far more than just novelty.
- Enhanced trust & emotional intimacy: Listening well, feeling heard, sharing vulnerability, this builds relational muscle that carries into other parts of your life.
- Better sexual satisfaction: As research shows, sexual communication correlates with higher sexual and relational satisfaction.
- Resilience in relationship: Living abroad brings change; you and your partner having strong sexual communication means you’re better equipped to adapt together.
- More fun, less guilt or shame: By discussing openly and setting boundaries, you free yourselves to actually enjoy trying new sex positions rather than worrying or overthinking.
- Sustained sexual health and comfort: When you communicate about positions, you’re more likely to avoid pain, discomfort, mismatched expectations—and keep your sex life alive for the long run.
If you want more than just the same routine, true connection, intimacy, and fun, trying new sex positions offers a great opportunity. But the secret ingredient isn’t merely the position; it’s the conversation you have before and after.
When you and your partner talk with honesty, respect, curiosity, and plan your exploration together, you don’t just change your sex life, you deepen your bond, strengthen your relationship, and honor each other’s voices.
