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You’ve just sat down for a romantic dinner with your partner, and everything is perfect, until they casually ask, “So… how many people have you been with?” Your heart skips a beat. Do you tell them everything, or is the past better left buried? This article will dive deep into the age-old question: should couples share their entire sexual history, or is ignorance truly bliss?
Let’s set the scene: you’re in a loving, committed relationship, things are going great, and then boom! The dreaded question arises.
We’ve seen it play out in movies, think of how Insecure handled relationships where the past creeps in, or even Beyoncé’s “Lemonade” album, which had all of us wondering how much is too much to reveal in a relationship.
But real talk, how much should we be sharing with our partners? Is your sexual history like a dusty old record collection that’s better kept in the attic, or is it a key part of building transparency and trust?
As Africans in the Diaspora, navigating relationships can be tricky enough, without the added weight of cultural expectations and modern relationship pressures. 
From Nollywood dramas to modern-day Twitter debates, the question remains: does revealing your sexual past bring you closer, or does it open a Pandora’s box of insecurities?
Why Some People Think Sharing is Good
1. It Shows You’re Honest: Being open about your past can make your partner trust you more. It’s like showing all your cards in a game – nothing to hide!
Example: Sarah told her new boyfriend, Tom, about her three ex-boyfriends on their fifth date. Tom appreciated her honesty and felt he could trust her more.
2. No Surprises Later: Sometimes, the past can pop up when you least expect it.
Example: John didn’t tell his girlfriend about dating her coworker years ago. At the office Christmas party, everyone found out, and his girlfriend felt hurt and embarrassed.
3. Health Reasons: Talking about your sexual past can help keep both of you healthy.
Example: Maria told her new partner about having an STI in college. They both got tested before becoming intimate, which made them feel safe and responsible.
Why Some People Think Keeping Quiet is Better
1. The Past is Past: Some folks think what happened before doesn’t matter now.
Example: Carlos doesn’t ask his wife about her ex-boyfriends because he believes their relationship is about their future together, not their past.
2. Avoiding Jealousy: Knowing too much can sometimes make people feel insecure.
Example: When Lisa found out her boyfriend had dated a model, she kept comparing herself to his ex and felt bad about her own looks.
3. Cultural Reasons: In some cultures, talking about sex isn’t common.
Example: Aisha, who grew up in a conservative family, feels uncomfortable discussing her past relationships with her fiancé because it goes against her upbringing.
Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
Instead of Beyoncé and Jay-Z, let’s look at Will and Jada. They’ve been very open about their relationship, including past struggles. In 2020, they publicly discussed Jada’s “entanglement” with another man. While it was tough, their honesty helped them work through their issues.
So, What Should You Do?
There’s no perfect answer that works for everyone. Some couples are happy sharing everything, while others prefer to keep some things private. The most important thing is that you and your partner agree on what feels right for you.
Before you start talking about your sexual history, think about these questions:
1. Are you both comfortable with full honesty?
2. How might your partner react to your past?
3. What do you want to know about their history?
Remember, it’s not about listing every person you’ve ever kissed. It’s about building trust and understanding each other better.
Conclusion
Whether you decide to tell all or keep some secrets, what matters most is that you and your partner respect and trust each other. In today’s world of social media and oversharing, finding the right balance can be tricky.
So, should you open up about your sexual past or keep it to yourself? The answer depends on your relationship, your values, and how comfortable you both are with talking about tough topics. After all, a good relationship is built on love and respect, whether you share everything or keep some things private.
