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When relationships break down, especially among families in the African diaspora, it can be tempting to think that children can help fix things. This idea is like putting a small bandaid on a big wound—it just doesn’t work
Imagine a mother who is upset because her partner has left. She might turn to her young daughter and say, “You’re my little helper; make me feel better!” This is what we call a “baby bandaid.”
It’s the wrong idea that kids can fix grown-up issues just by being there or showing love. Let’s break this down simply, so we can understand why children can’t mend adult problems and what parents can do instead. 
Kids Aren’t Mini Adults
First, let’s be clear: kids are not adults. They don’t have the experience or emotional tools to deal with adult problems. For example, if a 7-year-old sees their parents fighting about money, they might try to hug one parent to make them feel better.
But that child doesn’t understand the real issues at play—like bills or stress from work. Instead of helping, they might just feel confused and anxious.
How it affects kids
When kids are stuck in the middle of adult conflicts, it can hurt them emotionally. Studies show that children who witness their parents arguing often develop anxiety or trouble concentrating in school.
For instance, a child who hears their parents yelling about divorce might start having nightmares or trouble making friends because they feel scared and insecure.
If parents rely on their kids for emotional support, it can create more problems. Imagine a father who tells his teenage son all about his breakup with the boy’s mother.
The son might feel torn between loving his dad and wanting to support his mom. This confusion can lead to misunderstandings and strain relationships within the family.
Parents Need to Step Up
Instead of expecting kids to fix their problems, parents should take charge and model healthy behavior. Here are some straightforward steps:
1. Talk openly
Parents should talk openly about their feelings but in a way kids can understand. After an argument, a parent might say, “We had a disagreement about how to spend money, but we still love each other.” This helps kids see that disagreements are normal and doesn’t put them in the middle.
2. Get professional help
Sometimes, relationships are too complicated for just talking it out. Seeking help from a therapist can make a big difference. For example, if parents are constantly fighting about how to raise their children, family therapy can teach them how to communicate better without dragging the kids into it.
3. Take care of yourself
Parents need to look after their own mental health too! If a mother practices yoga or goes for walks, she not only feels better but also shows her kids how to manage stress in healthy ways.
Teaching Kids Resilience
While kids can’t fix broken relationships, they can learn how to handle tough situations by watching their parents.
1. Show what healthy relationships look like
Parents should teach their children what good relationships look like by sharing stories about friendships and respect. For example, explaining why it’s important to listen to friends or resolve conflicts calmly helps kids understand how to build strong connections themselves.
2. Encourage independence
Kids need space to grow into themselves outside of family drama. Signing them up for sports or art classes helps them make friends and build confidence. For instance, if a child joins a basketball team, they learn teamwork and resilience while having fun.
Conclusion
The idea that children can fix broken relationships is misguided—like using a tiny bandaid on a major injury. Instead of putting this burden on kids, parents should focus on open communication, seek professional help when needed, and model healthy behaviors.
By doing this, families can navigate tough times better while ensuring that children grow up happy and secure in who they are. Let’s empower our next generation with the tools they need to thrive instead of expecting them to solve adult problems they don’t understand!
A child’s presence cannot fix a broken relationship. Often, couples may mistakenly believe that having a baby will bring them closer, but in reality, it can add stress to an already strained marriage, making the situation worse. Instead of relying on children to mend the relationship, couples should seek professional help and work on communication and resolving underlying issues.
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