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Key Highlights
- Upbringing plays a big role. Many are taught to provide, not profess love with words
- Romance is in the details. From fixing things to feeding you, that’s their love language
- They can modernize it. Mix sweet words with sweet jollof, best of both worlds!
African men have been catching stray bullets for decades when it comes to being called unromantic. The stereotype is that they’d rather wrestle a lion than whisper sweet nothings into their partner’s ear.
But let’s be fair. African men are not allergic to being romantic. What they are is fluently romantic in ways that often get lost in translation.
They don’t say “I’d catch a grenade for you.” They actually check your gas cylinder to make sure you don’t explode. They’re not serenading you outside your window, but best believe they’re in your compound fixing the borehole and negotiating with your landlord.
So no, African men aren’t unromantic. They’re just practicing practical passion.
Why People Think African Men Don’t Do Romance
The idea that African men lack romance stems from cultural expectation clashes. In many African households, boys are taught to be strong, silent providers.
Love is not something you express with candles and choreographed flash mobs. It’s something you do—quietly, consistently, and without fanfare.
For example, my friend Ifeanyi once told me the most romantic thing he ever saw his father do was let his mother take the bigger fish head during Sunday lunch. “That’s when I knew he truly loved her,” he said. Not flowers. Not a Valentine’s Day card. Fish head distribution. That was it.
Then there’s the matter of Public Displays of Affection—or rather, the complete lack of it. A Ghanaian man holding hands with his wife in public? That’s a rare sighting, almost mythical.
It’s not that he doesn’t adore her; he just believes true love doesn’t need an audience. Instead, he shows his affection by making sure her phone never runs out of airtime and insisting she wears socks because “the weather is changing.”
So What Does African Romance Actually Look Like?
Imagine this: You’re dating a Cameroonian guy. It’s been raining heavily and you casually mention that your roof is leaking. The next morning, he’s at your door—no flowers, no chocolates, just a ladder and a roll of zinc. That, my friend, is African romance at its peak.
Or take the Ugandan man who never says “I miss you” but randomly shows up at your workplace with a hot flask of matoke because he “figured you didn’t have time to eat.” He won’t write you a poem, but he’ll write your name on his land title.
And let’s not forget the Kenyan man who never remembers anniversaries but will call your father to “greet him” without being prompted. Not because he wants to prove anything, but because love in his language means folding you into his family like nyama choma in a paper wrap.
One woman told me that her Malawian boyfriend didn’t believe in birthday gifts, but he built a whole chicken coop for her so she could sell eggs and start a side hustle. That’s not romance you post on Instagram—but it’s the kind that lasts.
Ways African Men Can Turn Up the Romance (Without Losing Their Sauce)
Now, we’re not asking African men to suddenly become walking Valentine’s Day cards. But romance, like technology, can be updated without deleting the original file.
Saying “I love you” every once in a while won’t make your voice expire. You don’t have to be Shakespeare; just try something like, “I’ve been thinking about you today.” Even if your voice cracks the first time, she’ll remember it forever.
Instead of asking, “Where are you?” every time she texts, how about trying, “I hope your meeting went well. Want to talk later?” You can still be the same man who grills fish better than Jamie Oliver but now with emotional seasoning.
And birthdays—yes, they matter. No need for rented horses and choreographed saxophone solos. A slice of cake, a handwritten note, or even cooking her favorite meal without her asking—these are powerful gestures that say, “I see you. I value you. I even boiled the rice with coconut milk, just because.”
Some African men abroad have even picked up a few international cues and blended them beautifully with their roots. One guy in Toronto surprised his girlfriend with a bouquet of plantain. “She always says flowers die too fast,” he explained. “This one, at least she can fry it.” Tell me that’s not poetic.
Conclusion: African Romance Isn’t Missing—It’s Just Wearing Native
To say African men aren’t romantic is like saying highlife music has no rhythm, it just depends on whether you’re listening. Their love doesn’t always come dressed in roses and hashtags.
Sometimes, it wears overalls. Sometimes, it’s in the silence of 6 a.m. traffic, just to drive you to work. Sometimes, it’s in the bowl of pepper soup he brings you when you’re sick, even though you didn’t ask.
