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The Akan people of Ghana have a powerful word—Sankofa. It means “go back and fetch it.” The symbol? A bird facing forward but reaching back to grab an egg. The message? It’s never too late to reclaim what’s been left behind
When it comes to love, Sankofa reminds us to look back at the traditions that once nurtured strong, lasting relationships.
Living in the diaspora can feel like a whirlwind—fast-paced cities, dating apps, and love that sometimes feels fleeting. Many Africans abroad long for something deeper, something more than just texts and swipes.
This is where Sankofa love comes in. It’s about looking back at the ways our ancestors built love—with intention, patience, and community—and bringing those values into today’s relationships.
How Our Ancestors Built Lasting Bonds
In pre-colonial Africa, love was never just between two people. Families, elders, and the entire community played a role. Relationships were built on shared values, patience, and deep respect. Here’s how:
1. Elders Were the Love Guides
Young couples didn’t navigate love alone. Elders offered wisdom, resolved conflicts, and ensured relationships had a strong foundation.
Picture this: A couple sits beneath a towering baobab tree, listening to an elder’s voice, rich with experience. He speaks in slow, measured tones, sharing stories of love that lasted generations. The couple leans in, absorbing lessons that modern dating advice could never teach.
2. Gifts Spoke Louder Than Words
Love wasn’t just whispered—it was shown through meaningful gestures. In Yoruba culture, a suitor didn’t just say he was serious—he brought kola nuts to his beloved’s family, a sacred sign of respect and commitment.
Imagine this: A young man stands at the doorstep, hands slightly trembling as he presents the kola nuts. The girl’s father studies his face, then nods. The message is clear—this isn’t just romance, it’s responsibility.
3. Love Was Celebrated, Not Hidden
Courtship wasn’t a secret affair—it was woven into the fabric of the community. Dances, festivals, and village gatherings gave couples the space to bond while the elders watched over them.
Visualize this: A moonlit night, the air alive with drumbeats. Young men and women move to the rhythm, eyes meeting in silent conversations. Laughter, music, and the scent of roasted plantains fill the air. Here, love blossoms in plain sight, supported by all.
Modern Dating Challenges: What We’ve Lost
Today, many Africans in the diaspora face the challenge of a dating scene dominated by technology and quick interactions. Several key elements of traditional courtship are often missing:
1. Lack of Patience and Intentionality
Modern dating can feel rushed. Swiping on apps, brief text exchanges, and instant gratification leave little room for the slow build-up of trust and understanding that our ancestors valued.
2. Isolation from Community Support
Traditional courtship was a community affair, with families and elders playing active roles. Today, many relationships start in isolation without the guiding presence of those who share the same cultural heritage. This loss of community wisdom can leave individuals feeling unanchored and disconnected.
3. Erosion of Rituals and Symbolic Gestures
Simple, meaningful actions—like exchanging kola nuts, storytelling, or community blessings—have been replaced by casual dates and fleeting encounters. Without these rituals, relationships may lack the depth and mutual respect that help them endure.
Bringing Ancient Love into Modern Dating
How can we reclaim these rich traditions in today’s world? Here are some practical ways:
1. Let Community Shape Your Love Life
Instead of relying on dating apps alone, connect with your roots. Join African cultural groups, attend heritage events, and surround yourself with people who understand the depth of love beyond modern trends.
Picture this: You walk into a community gathering, the aroma of home-cooked meals filling the room. You hear your language, your music, and suddenly, love doesn’t feel like a lonely journey—it feels like home.
2. Involve Family in Your Love Story
In the past, love wasn’t just about two people—it was about two families coming together.
Imagine this: A video call with your grandmother back home. She looks at your partner and smiles, sharing a blessing in her native tongue. Even across oceans, tradition lives on.
3. Bring Culture Into Your Dates
Skip the generic dinner-and-a-movie routine. Cook traditional meals together, wear cultural attire, or celebrate ancestral festivals. These small acts build deeper bonds.
Visualize this: You and your partner in the kitchen, hands dusted with flour as you shape dough for puff-puff. The scent of spices fills the air, laughter bubbles up, and for a moment, you feel like you’re back home.
4. Use Storytelling to Build Connection
Oral tradition was key to African courtship. Elders passed down stories that taught patience, loyalty, and respect. Share these with your partner to deepen understanding.
Picture this: A quiet evening, your voices weaving together tales of kings, warriors, and lovers who defied time. With each story, you stitch a stronger bond.
5. Date with Purpose, Not Pressure
Ancient love valued intentionality. Rushing wasn’t the norm—understanding and respect were. Instead of speed-dating through relationships, take your time.
Imagine this: A slow evening walk, hands brushing lightly, deep conversations flowing. No pressure, no rush—just two souls learning each other’s rhythms.
Sankofa Love: Healing Generational Love Wounds
Reconnecting with ancestral courtship rituals isn’t just about romance; it’s about healing.
- Relearning Traditions – Ask elders about old customs, read African history, and bring lost practices back into your relationships.
- Restoring Respect – Honor love the way our ancestors did—with patience, care, and intention.
- Passing It On – Teach future generations the beauty of Sankofa love, ensuring these values live on.
By doing this, love becomes more than a personal journey—it becomes a bridge between the past, present, and future.
Conclusion: Sankofa Love—Old Wisdom for New Love
Reclaiming ancient African courtship isn’t about rejecting modern love—it’s about making it richer. Our ancestors knew the power of patience, family, and deep-rooted connection.
If modern dating feels hollow, look back. Your culture holds the wisdom to build a love that lasts. Let the past light the way forward.
