Key Highlights:
- Saying yes when you mean no slowly erases your voice, value, and visibility at work.
- Boundaries are acts of self-respect that protect your time, energy, and peace.
- You teach people how to treat you by the behavior you tolerate and the silence you keep.
The email notification pinged at 7:47 PM on a Friday. Another “urgent” request from a colleague who somehow always seemed to find me whenever they needed someone to clean up their mess. My finger hovered over the keyboard, ready to type the familiar words: “Sure, I’ll take care of it.”
But this time, something inside me snapped.
I had been here before, countless times at that. Saying yes when every fiber of my being wanted to scream no. Agreeing to take on projects that weren’t mine, staying late to fix problems I didn’t create, and smiling through gritted teeth while my resentment grew like a tumor in my chest.
For years, I was the office “yes woman.” Need someone to cover your presentation? Onyeka will do it. Want to dump your deadline on someone else? Onyeka never says no. Looking for a scapegoat when things go wrong? Well, Onyeka was probably involved somehow.
The worst part wasn’t the extra work or the sleepless nights. It was the slow, suffocating realization that I was disappearing. Every time I said yes when I meant no, I was erasing a little bit of myself. I was teaching people that my time didn’t matter, my peace didn’t count, and my voice didn’t deserve to be heard.
I remember one particularly brutal week when I had agreed to help three different colleagues with their projects while my own work sat untouched on my desk. I worked until 2 AM for four straight days with my eyes burning and my back aching. But I couldn’t stop. What would they think of me? What if they labeled me as difficult? What if they decided I wasn’t enough of a team player?
My breaking point came during a team meeting when my manager praised someone else for the work I had done. I watched them bask in the recognition while I sat there, invisible, my contributions credited to the person who had simply asked me to “help out.” As I watched the scene, the familiar knot in my stomach tightened, and I felt that all-too-familiar rage bubbling up inside me.
That night, I went home and cried. I cried for the promotion I didn’t get because I was too busy helping others shine. I cried for the respect I had lost by never demanding it. I cried for the woman I used to be before I learned to shrink myself to fit into everyone else’s convenience.
But something beautiful happened in that moment of complete breakdown. I got angry – not at them, but at myself. I was tired of being tired. I was done with the resentment that was eating me alive and was finished with playing small. I was like done done done!
So, the next Monday, when that same colleague sent another “urgent” request, I did something entirely revolutionary. I said NO.
Not “No, but maybe later.” Not “No, but let me think about it.” Just “No.”
And guess what, the world didn’t end. My career didn’t crumble. In fact, something magical happened – I started to respect myself again, wooaaa!
That was the beginning of my journey to reclaim my power at work. I read books like “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office” by Lois Frankel and “The Rules of Work” by Richard Templar. I studied leaders I admired and learned that boundaries weren’t walls; they were bridges to better relationships and genuine respect.
If you’re reading this and you see yourself in my story, know that you can change this pattern… It’s possible. Here are the 12 boundaries that transformed my professional life and can transform yours too.
12 Essential Boundaries Every Professional Should Master
1. The “I’ll Get Back to You” Boundary
Stop giving immediate answers to requests that require thought. When someone asks you to take on additional work, respond with, “Let me check my current commitments and get back to you by (specify your time).” This will prevent you from impulsive yeses and give you time to evaluate whether the request aligns with your priorities or not.
2. The “Scope Creep” Boundary
Clearly define what you’re agreeing to do and what you’re not. When accepting a project, document the specific deliverables, timeline, and your role. When requests expand beyond the original scope, address them directly; don’t keep quiet! Let them know that it has gone beyond what you originally discussed and invite them to discuss an adjustment of the timeline or resources.
3. The “Emergency vs. Urgent” Boundary
Learn to distinguish between genuine emergencies and manufactured urgency. A true emergency affects safety, significant revenue, or critical deadlines. Everything else is just someone else’s poor planning. When someone reaches out to you for such, let them know you understand how urgent it feels for them and that, based on your current priorities, you’ll address it on a specified date.
4. The “After Hours” Boundary
Protect your personal time fiercely. Set clear expectations about your availability outside work hours. Turn off work notifications after a certain time. If you must check emails after hours, don’t respond unless it’s a genuine emergency. Your immediate availability trains others to expect it and think otherwise when you don’t give it.
5. The “Not My Department” Boundary
While collaboration is valuable, constantly doing other people’s jobs diminishes your own performance and theirs. When asked to do work outside your role, redirect appropriately. Let them know that it’s outside your responsibilities and connect them to the right person for that.
6. The “Credit Where Credit Is Due” Boundary
Speak up when your work is uncredited or misattributed. In meetings, don’t let others take credit for your ideas. Speak up! Say something like: “I’m glad you brought up the strategy I proposed yesterday. Let me expand on those points.” Always document your contributions in writing.
7. The “No Explanation Required” Boundary
You don’t need to justify every boundary you set. Reason is that over-explaining weakens your position and gives the other person room for negotiation. Instead of saying: “I can’t do this because I have three other projects and my mom is sick and I promised my sister…” simply say: “I won’t be able to take this on right now…”
8. The “Meeting Overload” Boundary
Protect your productive time from meeting creep, i.e., frequent, longer, and less purposeful meetings. Before accepting meeting invitations, ask what the agenda is and what contribution is expected of you in the meeting. If you’re not essential to the discussion, decline politely and ask them to share any relevant outcomes with you.
9. The “Skill Development” Boundary
Don’t let others dump tasks on you under the guise of “learning opportunities.” This is especially important for professionals in the early stage of their careers. True development, I’ve learned, involves proper training, mentorship, and recognition. When you’re offered these “opportunities,” ask what support and training will be provided. And be sure to clarify how it aligns with your development goals.
10. The “Emotional Labor” Boundary
You’re not your workplace therapist, mediator, or emotional support system. While being kind and supportive is important, don’t become the dumping ground for everyone’s workplace drama. When colleagues try to involve you in conflicts, kindly redirect them to the appropriate person who can resolve it. Avoid involving yourself in unnecessary drama.
11. The “Communication Channel” Boundary
Establish how and when you prefer to be contacted. If you’re deep in focused work, don’t respond to every ping immediately. Set specific times for checking messages. Train people to respect your communication preferences by being consistent in your responses.
12. The “Growth and Recognition” Boundary
Advocate for yourself actively because no one will! Don’t wait for others to notice your good work because they might not. Keep a record of your achievements, no matter how small they might seem, speak up in meetings, and regularly check in with your manager or team lead about your career goals. If you notice that you’re consistently passed over for opportunities, address it directly. You’re not working so hard to be invisible.
The Transformation Journey: What Changes When You Set Boundaries
When I first started implementing these boundaries, I was somehow terrified. I worried about being labeled difficult, losing opportunities, or maybe damaging some relationships, but the opposite happened.
My colleagues began to respect my time because I showed them how to. My team lead started consulting me on important decisions because I proved I could think strategically about what deserved my attention. My work quality improved dramatically because I was no longer spreading myself thin across everyone else’s priorities.
And most importantly, I started to like myself again. The resentment that had been poisoning my days began to fade. I felt energized, focused, and proud of myself.
The Ripple Effect: How Your Boundaries Help Others
The truth is that when you stop enabling poor planning and boundary violations, you force others to develop better habits… yes. When you protect your expertise and time, you are sure to deliver higher-quality work. And when you model self-respect, you give others permission to do the same.
People will always treat you exactly how you teach them to treat you. For every time you say yes when you mean no, you’re giving a lesson in how to disrespect your boundaries.
Your New Beginning Starts Now
If you’re ready to stop the cycle of people-pleasing and reclaim your professional power, start small. Choose one boundary from this list and commit to implementing it this week. Notice how it feels to honor your own needs and priorities.
The path from being a people pleaser to a respected professional isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it. You deserve to work in an environment where your contributions are valued, your time is respected, and your voice is heard.
That Friday evening when I finally said no to that email request wasn’t just the end of my people-pleasing era; it was the beginning of my journey to becoming the professional I was always meant to be.
P.S.: Some parts of the story in this article are fictional, but needed to drive home the lesson.
Further reading 👇
Women can increase their chances of career success by shattering glass ceilings. Read this article to discover 7 habits of women who’ve done exactly that.
