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Is it possible to feel alone right next to the person you promised forever to?
For many African couples living abroad, navigating life in a new country can be exciting yet isolating. Between balancing careers, staying connected to family back home, and raising children, it’s easy for marriage to become more about survival than connection.
If your partner has started to feel like a stranger, it doesn’t mean the love is gone—it could mean it’s time to rediscover each other. 
Recognizing When You’re Drifting Apart
Here are signs that show you’re growing apart:
Conversations feel surface-level
If you realize your exchanges are reduced to practical matters—like, “Did you pay the bills?” or “What time is dinner?”—it’s a sign of emotional distance. Meaningful connection fades when you stop talking about dreams, fears, and what matters.
For couples adjusting to new lives abroad, energy for “small talk” might go to family back home, leaving little for each other. Reclaiming these conversations starts with sharing one thought, one story at a time.
Quality time feels like an obligation
Does it feel like you’re in the same room but miles apart? When you’re both swamped, it’s easy to treat time together as another “task.” But quality time shouldn’t feel like an item to check off.
Start small—cook a favorite meal together, or take a walk, hand in hand, like you did in the early days. Sometimes a quiet evening doing nothing special can spark memories of why you chose each other in the first place.
Different dreams and goals
As life unfolds, one of you might long for frequent trips home, while the other is focused on building roots in your new country.
These differences can feel divisive, but talking openly about your goals can create a shared vision. Discuss dreams, not as “mine” or “yours,” but as “ours”—even if you’re each walking different paths.
Reconnecting with Each Other
Reconnecting is possible. Here’s how to do that:
Revisit what brought you together
Every relationship has a “why.” Spend an evening reminiscing about what first drew you to each other. Recall how you laughed, dreamed, and saw life through the same lens.
For diaspora couples, cooking a dish from home or playing music from your wedding day can bring back those shared roots. Reconnecting to your foundation may help both of you remember what makes your bond unique.
Commit to intentional time
Intentional time is time spent fully present with each other, not just sharing space. It could be an hour of uninterrupted conversation, a meal out, or a long walk.
Add a cultural twist—maybe try exploring a new cultural neighborhood together or cooking a traditional dish with your twist. Simple moments, cherished together, have the power to bring back closeness.
Align fresh goals together
Sometimes, drifting apart stems from outdated expectations. Take the time to explore new shared goals, whether it’s a project, saving for a trip home, or even building a future business. A common purpose gives you a fresh way to work as a team and can bridge emotional gaps.
Practice open, gentle communication
Set regular times to talk openly about your relationship, listening to each other without judgment. Approach these check-ins with empathy.
A simple “How have you been feeling lately?” can create a safe space for both of you. These conversations can be awkward at first, but each one builds understanding, trust, and respect.
Consider therapy as growth, not a last resort
For many Africans, therapy can feel foreign, even intimidating. But counseling is a space for growth, not just crisis.
A therapist can help you rediscover each other’s needs and resolve differences constructively. Think of therapy as an investment in your love, a step toward understanding each other more deeply.
Conclusion: Finding Your Way Back to Each Other
Growing apart in marriage doesn’t have to be the end of your story. For African couples in the diaspora, reconnecting through shared values, open conversations, and intentional love can breathe life back into a drifting relationship.
Marriage is a journey, filled with change and growth. By facing these changes together—with love, patience, and courage—you can find your way back to each other, stronger than ever.
