Imagine being invited to a wedding amidst the stunning hills of Tuscany or on a sun-kissed beach in the Maldives. To say that sounds like one dream getaway would be a huge understatement, right? But for so many guests, the thought of going to a “destination wedding” rapidly morphs from excitement into anxiety as the costs begin piling up
Destination weddings are just so charming. To Africans in the Diaspora, these weddings avail them the rare opportunity to combine the celebration of love with exploration. A chance to tick off the bucket-list destination while attending a special event.
Couples paint a picture of serene landscapes, ocean views, and picturesque backdrops Instagram-worthy paradise if you will.
But behind the romance, there’s one nagging question at the back of the guests’ minds: How much is this going to set me back?
The Dream: Why Destination Weddings Are So Tempting
There’s a reason destination weddings have exploded in popularity. Couples are drawn to the idea of exchanging vows in exotic locales, from pristine white-sand beaches to historic hilltop towns and five-star mountain resorts. But it’s not just about the scenery-it’s about the “experience.”.
Take, for instance, the couple from Nigeria who decided to marry in the French Riviera. As pumping as Lagos may be, a wedding along the Côte d’Azur, with its beautiful beaches, Michelin-starred restaurants, and decadent villas, is the stuff of fairy tales.
What makes a destination wedding exclusive is that it makes the event change from a day to a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Guests would get to experience a mini-vacation, and for Africans in the Diaspora, it could be flying to a place they have never seen.
Another factor?
These weddings are just much more intimate. Most often, the bride and groom may invite their best friends and family members. Few guests attend it but it is more meaningful. There is something just so special in gathering a select few in a beautiful place to witness your big day.
For others, it’s about reconnecting to their cultural heritage. An African-American couple may opt to marry in Ghana, an ancestor land, or a Kenyan couple might opt for the dramatic landscapes of the Masai Mara.
So, a destination wedding can offer an emotional connection that it does with a physical escape. But while the couple may be living out their dream, the guests are left with the bill.
The Nightmare: Financial Reality for Guests
This is where the bubble bursts. Destination weddings are anything but affordable – especially for the guests. Starting from flights to accommodation, meals, and wedding attire, the costs can inflate in the blink of a second. To someone operating on a tight budget, this reality can be quite overwhelming to digest.
Now, let’s break it down with a real-world example. Say you stay in London and are invited to attend a destination wedding in Zanzibar, Tanzania. For early booking, only the round-trip airfare could be upwards of $700.
Add in four nights at a decent hotel, which might set you back another $600, we are already at $1,300-which is before you have eaten a meal!
Next comes the cost of local transportation: taxis, Ubers, or even car rentals if it is an out-of-town wedding venue.
Then, there’s a wedding gift, an outfit pressure is on, and you don’t want to wear that dress for a second time, of course, any excursions or activities the couple may plan, such as a sunset boat cruise or a safari.
The total? Easily over $2,000. And that’s just one person. If you’re bringing a partner or kids, the costs add up. Before you know it, going to the wedding could rival the cost of a full family vacation-except this trip is planned around someone else’s event.
Speaking of time, destination weddings usually last a few days, if not a whole week, and you may be using some precious leave days just for attending. Plus, if it’s very far away, you may end up with long flights and layovers, not to mention jet lag. Is that how you want to use up your PTO?
The Tug-of-War of Emotions
Saying no to a destination wedding is easier said than done, especially when it comes to close friends or relatives. Turning down the invitation, much as may be understood, creates awkward conversations, but even worse, it may also lead to hurt feelings.
To Africans in the Diaspora, the stakes are even higher. These weddings may be among the rarest opportunities to reunite with your loved ones whom you never see all these years.
Take for example Ade, a Nigerian-British professional resident in London, who received an invitation to attend his cousin’s destination wedding in South Africa; the wedding was to be held at an exclusive wine estate in Stellenbosch-the stuff of dreams.
But then he added it all up and realized the total was going to set him back nearly £3,000 ($3,800). He was in a quandary: he did not want to disappoint his cousin by refusing but attending meant depleting his savings and putting on hold other crucial expenditures. In the end, Ade declined the invitation, contributing to months of family tension.
It’s an emotional tug-of-war: saying no feels like you’re missing out on some kind of life milestone, but saying yes might mean monetary sacrifice. So how exactly do you find that happy medium?
Strategies to Survive the Destination Wedding Invite
So, what are you supposed to do when you get invited to the destination wedding and don’t want to break the bank? There are a few strategies you can employ to manage costs without feeling left out.
- Book Those Flights Early: The airlines tend to make their cheaper rates available the earlier you book. Set up price alerts and jump on deals the second they come up.
- Stay in Budget-Friendly Hotels: You do not have to feel obligated to stay in the suggested accommodation the couple has chosen. Of course, they may have picked a five-star resort, but sometimes, within walking distance or a quick drive away, there’s something a little more budget-friendly. A quick Airbnb search or smaller boutiques may just save you hundreds.
- Travel in Groups: This is because sharing the cost of a villa or vacation rental with other guests can bring down the price of your accommodation drastically. It is also fun this way.
- Plan a Wedding Vacation: If the wedding is at someplace you have always wanted to visit, make it an entire vacation. This way, you are more likely to get your money’s worth rather than simply attending the ceremony.
- Know When to Politely Decline: If the price is out of your budget range, then it is completely acceptable to decline. Be honest with the couple and let them know you won’t be able to make it, but would love to celebrate in another way – perhaps when they return or at a local event they may host. Most will understand.
Is It Worth It?
So, is it worth the money to attend a destination wedding? That depends on how you feel about your financial situation and your priorities in life.
For some, the opportunity to see a loved one get married in some far-off, beautiful location is worth every penny. For others, it’s simply too much. The key is knowing your limits and being honest with yourself and the couple.
For many Africans in the Diaspora, destination weddings are also about reconnecting to one’s culture, heritage, and home family.
Remember, no wedding deserves to put you into financial distress. You can be supportive of the couple without having to break the bank.
Conclusion
Destination weddings are, of course, a bit of a double-edged sword. As much as they offer an unparalleled, unique, and unforgettable experience, the price attached to them on the part of the guests is quite considerable.
So next time this card lands in your mailbox or inbox, do remember the dream and the reality, too. This all comes down to a personal decision – make sure it works for you, both emotionally and financially.
READ: The Mother-of-the-Bride’s Role: Supporting Your Daughter on Her Big Day
As her mother, you become her emotional anchor. Your calming presence and reassuring words can ease her jitters and help her focus on the joy of the moment. Let’s dive into the specifics of your role.
