Dating in your 30s vs 20s: Expert Reveals What Changes (and What Stays the Same)

The path to love and relationships sometimes looks different depending on your age. Some have argued that dating is much better in your 20s, while others argue that the experience is much better in your 30s.

While it’s impossible to categorically say that dating is better at age 20 or 30, it is believed that the experience has its perks for each age bracket.

For a proper diagnosis of the topic, we’ll draw insight from Israel Sunny Oyenigbehin, a relationship coach and course rep for unmarried folks in the social media space. Isreal is an alumnus of The Institute of Marriage and Family Life (TIMFA USA). He is the author of  “Singles’ Phenomenal and Powerful Scriptures to Help Waiting Singles Wait on God the Right Way.”

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Maturity and a Shift in Approach

There’s a difference between dating in your 20s and your 30s. In their 20s, many people are still figuring themselves out, exploring careers, and establishing independence. Israel noted that dating at this age is sometimes more about fun and experimentation.

By contrast, those in their 30s, according to societal standards, have no time to wander. It is expected that at this age, the fellow would have had a clearer sense of who they are and what they want in life. Even if they were to still be dating, it would be with a more focused and intentional approach.

Israel stated that it would be unfair to compare someone in their 20s with someone in their 30s. The reason is that both are separated by a decade and, as such, have different tastes and drives. 

He mentioned that in some societies, especially in Africa, dating in your 30s can be stressful. This is because, by your 30s, everyone expects that you’ll have been married. In fact, age 30 seems to be the benchmark of marriage in African societies.

Different people will ask you the ‘When Are You Question’ at any possible opportunity, while a typical African mother makes it a duty to remind you that you are aging by the day and she is very much expectant of her grandchildren.

Self-Discovery and Setting Priorities

For singles generally, 30+ or less, the best thing you can do with your experience is to learn and extract wisdom from it. Isreal advises that you invest in knowing yourself, loving yourself, and becoming familiar with your person. 

This he saw as very crucial because, without it, all you’ll be doing is using yourself as a giveaway to those who are less deserving of you. He noted that in life, the value you place on yourselves is the value life places on you. Therefore, if you don’t love yourself, you’ll attract less than you deserve. 

Israel advises that all conversations about life vision and mission should be sorted out while you are single. As a single person, what are your values? what kind of future do you envision? This is extremely important because it is only when you know where you are headed that you can decide who qualifies or has the skills required to join you in achieving delivery in the future. 

Making Dating a Priority

As a single person, all aspects of your life, including finding love, matter, and you should endeavor to strike a balance and never allow one to suffer for the other.

Israel advises singles to pay attention to their dating lives. He warns against letting busy schedules push dating to the back burner. Don’t keep postponing and canceling dates; nobody will take you seriously. Even the person who is very much into you and wants something with you will give up, he says

He noted that it’s okay to be busy at work and with other commitments but it’s also important to remember that you won’t get married to either work or those extra commitments that make you cancel dates. As a working-class single, Israel says that there will always be KPIs to meet, new briefs to study, etc., but amidst them, also take time to breathe and smell the aroma of love. 

Isreal pleads that you allow someone to take you out on a date this coming weekend. He suggests that you cancel that weekend meeting you’ve booked with your client; pick up your phone, and dial your HOD’s number to inform them that you won’t meet up for the drama rehearsal on Friday. This is to allow you to spend time with somebody’s son or daughter. 

Healing from the Past for a Healthier Future

For singles facing emotional turbulence in their relationships, Israel highlights the importance of dealing with unresolved emotional issues. He states that past relationships can leave emotional baggage that goes on to affect future relationships if not attended to. 

This is because the background, exposure, and mindset cultivated over time have a great impact on one’s marital life.

Israel advises that there are things you shouldn’t try to sort out alone because you need help with them. He mentions that if you don’t go for a diagnosis and identify what the problem is, the tendency for a repetition of the past in a new relationship is high. In his words, “You need to heal before you deal.”

Conclusion: Is Dating Better in Your 30s?

Dating in your 30s can be a rewarding experience. With greater self-awareness, focused priorities, and a commitment to making time for love, you can increase your chances of finding a fulfilling and lasting relationship. As Israel says, “Life is a great teacher, and your 30s can be a time to leverage those lessons for success in love.“