It’s Friday evening, and you’re getting ready for another spontaneous hangout with that person who makes your heart skip. You’ve been doing this for months now—texting daily, spending weekends together, and sharing inside jokes that make you feel special. But when your friend asks if you’re dating, you pause and find yourself saying, “It’s complicated.”
You’re texting good morning and good night like a couple, but when someone asks about your relationship status, you both suddenly become experts at changing the subject. You’re caught in that confusing gray area between “just friends” and “something more.”
If you’re reading this while your stomach does little flips because it feels like i wrote this with you in mind… that’s a clear sign you’re in a situationship. Stay glued as we explore what a situationship really is and the top signs that you may be caught in one.
What Is a Situationship?
A situationship can be defined as a romantic relationship that lacks commitment and the associated norms and expectations, according to relationship expert Dr. Jess Carbino.
Think of it as relationship limbo—you’re more than friends but less than partners. A 2024 research study defined situationships as romantic relationships with no clarity or label, low levels of commitment, but similar levels of affection, sex, and time spent together as traditional couples. Basically, you get all the feels without any of the security.
So, why are situationships everywhere these days?
Our dating culture has shifted dramatically. Dating apps make it easy to keep options open, and because many people find commitment a little scary, “keeping it casual” has become the default mode. Plus, if we’re being sincere, sometimes situationships are genuinely fun and low-pressure.
It’s important to note that situationships aren’t automatically toxic or wrong. Some people thrive in these arrangements when both parties are on the same page. But if you’re craving something deeper and constantly finding yourself confused about where you stand, then it’s time to reflect, recognize what’s happening, and make informed choices about your love life.
The Top 3 Signs You’re in a Situationship
1:Lack of Clarity and Labels
In a situationship, the “what are we doing here?” conversation either never happens or gets masterfully redirected every single time.
The moment you start with “So, I’ve been wondering about us…” they suddenly remember they have an early morning. Or they respond with classics like:
- “Let’s just go with the flow.”
- “I don’t want to complicate what we have.”
- “Why do we need to put labels on everything?”
- “Can’t we just enjoy this?”
This avoidance is definitely a sign you’re in situationship territory. What defines a situationship isn’t just the lack of obligation or exclusivity—it’s the absence of clear boundaries and labels.
So, you’re left constantly analyzing every text, every gesture, every half-made plan (or lack thereof), trying to decode what you actually mean to each other.
2:Inconsistent Effort and Communication
One day, they’re sending you paragraphs about their day, making you feel like the most important person in their world. The next week, you’re lucky to get a one-word “hey” in response to your thoughtful message.
This inconsistency shows up in different ways:
- Communication: They can be your late-night texting buddy, sharing memes and having deep conversations until 2 AM. Then suddenly, they disappear for a week, leaving you wondering if you said something wrong or if they’ve lost interest entirely.
- Effort: One weekend, they plan the sweetest, most thoughtful date. The next, they can’t commit to anything until the last minute, making your time together feel like a backup option.
- Emotional Presence: Some days, they’re warm, attentive, and make you feel like you’re living a romance movie. Other days, they’re distant, treating you more like a casual friend they occasionally hook up with.
In situationships, people often give just enough attention to keep you interested but not enough to indicate serious commitment. It’s like being fed emotional breadcrumbs, enough to survive on, but never enough to feel truly nourished.
3:Future Plans Are Always Vague
Ask someone in a committed relationship about their weekend plans, and you’ll likely hear about date nights, family gatherings, or trips they’re planning together. Ask someone you’re in a situationship with about next month, and suddenly they become a master of vague responses.
You’ll hear classics like:
- “Let’s see how things go.”
- “We don’t need to plan that far ahead.”
- “I don’t want to rush things.”
Of course, this doesn’t mean you need to be talking marriage after two weeks. But if you’ve been consistently seeing someone and they still refuse to include you in conversations about the future, it’s a clear sign they’re not thinking long-term.
Why Recognizing These Signs Matters
Understanding the difference between a relationship and a situationship isn’t about blaming the other person but more about gaining clarity for yourself.
If you’re okay with something casual, then a situationship may suit you just fine. But if you want love with commitment, respect, and growth, staying in a situationship for too long can rob you of emotional peace.
The danger lies in the hope: hoping that maybe if you wait long enough, they’ll change their mind. More often than not, people show you what they want from the beginning. Recognizing the signs allows you to stop settling for uncertainty and start choosing what aligns with your heart.
What to Do If You See Yourself in These Signs
1. Reflect on What You Truly Want
Before confronting them, ask yourself: Am I okay with something casual, or do I want commitment? Being honest with yourself is the first step toward clarity.
If you’re unsure what kind of love or relationship truly fits you, try the Love Pantry Assessment. It’s designed to help you get clear on your patterns, needs, and love style so you can stop guessing and start choosing relationships that actually feel good.”
2. Communicate Openly
Have the hard conversation. It might feel uncomfortable, but saying “I need to understand where this is going” will save you from months of emotional limbo.
3. Set Boundaries
If their answer doesn’t align with your needs, step back. You’re not asking for too much by wanting commitment; you’re simply asking for the kind of relationship that matches your values.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Walk Away
Walking away doesn’t mean you “lost.” It means you respected yourself enough to stop investing in someone who couldn’t give you what you deserve.
The Bottom Line: You Deserve Clarity
Being in a situationship can feel thrilling at first… the late-night texts, the intimacy without pressure, the butterflies when you speak with them. But over time, the confusion and emotional trauma that come with it eat away at your peace.
You deserve a love that feels safe, consistent, and clear. You deserve someone who doesn’t leave you guessing, who includes you in their present and future, and who proudly calls you theirs.
Recognizing the signs of a situationship is all about your freedom. Freedom to walk toward the kind of love you’ve always wanted, without settling for less.
If you’re ready to stop settling for half-answers and start building real, nourishing connections, join the Love Pantry waitlist today. You’ll be first to know when doors open, plus you’ll get access to resources that help you create the kind of love you deserve.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is a situationship the same as dating?
A: Not exactly. Dating often carries the intention of exploring long-term potential, while a situationship is undefined and lacks clear commitment. You might be doing everything that people who are dating do—spending time together, being intimate, getting to know each other—but without any discussion about what it means or where it’s going.
Q: Can a situationship turn into a relationship?
A: Yes, but it requires both individual to want the same thing and be willing to have honest conversations about it. The challenge is that situationships can become comfortable for the person who wants less commitment, making them less likely to want to change the dynamic. If you want your situationship to become a relationship, you’ll need to communicate that clearly and be prepared for any response.
Q: How long should a situationship last before you need clarity?
A: There’s no strict timeline, but if you’ve been seeing each other for several months with no clear direction, it’s worth having “the talk.”
Q: Is it wrong to want more than a situationship?
A: Absolutely not. Wanting commitment, security, and clarity in your romantic life is completely normal and healthy. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re being “too much” or “moving too fast” for wanting to understand where you stand with someone you’re emotionally invested in. Your needs are valid, period.
Q: Why do people choose situationships?
A: Many people enter situationships to avoid pressure, enjoy companionship, or because they’re not ready for commitment. Others use it as a placeholder until something “better” comes along.
