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“Apology is an obligation, but forgiveness is a choice.“
Daisy was caught off guard when her ex-boyfriend, Kelvin, sent her an exotic gift package containing $5,000 in cash, an all-expenses-paid weekend trip to the Maldives, and an expensive necklace.
Her current boyfriend, Damien, was with her when she received the gift, and she promised to return it. However, her friend Elsa convinced her to keep it, saying it was just a harmless gift. 
A week later, Damien found out she had kept the gifts and gone on the trip. He was furious. He felt deceived and hurt that Daisy had broken her promise. Despite her countless apologies, Damien refused to see or communicate with her.
Elsa told Daisy to let it go, insisting that she had already apologized and that Damien was being unreasonable. But Ella, a wise friend, intervened, explaining that while an apology is an obligation, forgiveness is a choice.
Daisy realized she was wrong to deceive Damien, especially after promising to return the gift. Ella introduced Daisy to the concept of apology languages, emphasizing that people express and receive apologies in different ways.
With this newfound understanding, Daisy decided to visit Damien and offer a more sincere, heartfelt apology. She took full responsibility for her actions, acknowledged his pain, and promised to rebuild his trust.
“Daisy, I appreciate your apology, but it’s going to take time,” Damien said, his voice still heavy with hurt.
“I understand,” Daisy replied, tears in her eyes. “I was wrong to deceive you, and I promise to be more transparent and honest moving forward.”
Damien looked at her, searching for sincerity. For the first time in weeks, he saw a glimmer of hope.
“Let’s work on rebuilding our relationship together,” he said, his voice softening.
Daisy smiled, relieved, knowing that understanding apology languages had saved their relationship.
Understanding Apology Languages
Just as we endeavor to know our partner’s Love Languages, showing how much we care by expressing our love through those actions. It is also important to understand our partner’s apology languages.
There is no perfect relationship; there will always be a moment of disagreements, conflicts of interest, and mismatched opinions, and during those phases, saying “SORRY” is not always enough. We react to things differently and what might seem like no big deal to one person can be critical to another.
According to Gary Chapman and Dr. Jennifer Thomas, apology languages give deeper insights into how people express and receive apologies and how understanding these languages can help us effectively communicate and repair our relationships.
The 5 Apology Languages
1. Expressing Regrets: This is a form of verbal and sincere apologies, acknowledging one’s wrongdoing, showing genuine remorse, and the desire to make things write.
2. Accepting Responsibility: This is you acknowledging that you’re wrong, not shifting blame, you take ownership of your mistakes. Sometimes, a sincere “I was wrong and I’m sincerely sorry” is all that needs to be said to fix things.
3. Empathic Concern: Knowing that your actions have made a wrong impact on someone you care about, it is important to express understanding and compassion when seeking a second chance to make things right.
4. Restitution: Doing everything you can to make amends and compensate for the things you’ve done. Making it up to the one you’ve offended in a tangible way.
5. Requesting Forgiveness: In this instance, you ask to be forgiven. “I know I have wronged you, and I hate myself for doing this to you; I never meant to. I really desire to make things right between us. Will you please forgive me?” Be sincere in your approach with no pressure.
Importance of Apology Languages
What makes a relationship healthy is not the absence of disagreements and conflicts, because there will always be those moments in a relationship. What really makes it a green-flagged relationship is the ability to overcome those scenarios with little or no impact on the trust, love, and respect you have for each other.
The ability to reach out in a language they understand as an attempt to make things right strengthens the bond in the relationship. You gain a deeper understanding and empathy, which not only helps solve the conflict effectively but also gives room for intense connections and growth.
Worthy of Note
It is important to understand that for an apology to be deemed an apology, it has to be genuine and sincere. Let your actions speak volumes more than your words; be a “talk and do’ person; and back your apologies with immediate actions.
A person can have two or more apology languages, so tailor the apology to the recipient’s preferred language.
This was such an informative and eye opening article. I’m glad that I was able to pick up a few things and apply them to my relationships and interactions with people. This is well written and it can really help someone!❤️
Wow, such nice write-up. Forgiveness is indeed a choice but an apology is obligated. You don’t expect the one you hurt to just forget about things, just like that when your actions doesn’t even match up to your apology.
Keep it up dear, this is a beautiful yet informative piece right here.