Do you believe the saying that all families have secrets? Well, to an extent, I think it’s true, but the question is, what is the nature of the secret?
Though we are admonished to guard our tongues and lips, I don’t think positive circumstances are kept hidden. Secrets are mostly sneaky, negative, shameful, or anything but positive.
As stated by Karen Vallgårda, every family has a secret, whether it’s a traumatizing, dubious, or disgraceful act. Sometimes it might not be obvious that a family has a skeleton in a cupboard because not all secrets have the same gravity.
But what exactly is a secret? A secret is a fact that is known only by a small number of people and is not told to anyone else. Family secrets are only known by family members. They are often kept hidden for a reason best known to the family, which tries against all odds to protect its image and prestige.
Family secrets may be taboos, past transgressions, such as infidelity, abuse, or addiction, or any embarrassing or painful situations that the family wishes to keep out of the public’s notice.
Should family secrets be revealed?
The decision about whether or not to reveal a family’s secret is a difficult one that varies depending on the specific circumstances and individuals involved.
What do you think would happen if a woman decided to reveal her family’s well-kept secret that her uncle had sexually abused her when she was a teenager?
Though we can’t say for sure, these are the possible outcomes: either the husband is emphatic, he gets angry and resents the wife for being overused, or he confronts the wife’s uncle in public.
In our society today, descendants of outcast lineages still preserve their secrets because of the social stigma that accompanies them. Though the world is more liberal, some secrets, when spilled, damage the family’s reputation.
However, while it is good to protect our family‘s dignity, when some sensitive secrets are kept hidden, they tend to have a lasting impact on relationships, damaging trust and creating emotional distance.
Therefore, before thinking about rambling out your family secrets, it’s important to know the pros and cons that it could lead to.
Pros and cons of revealing family secrets
Pros:
Revealing a secret helps heal past hurts and trauma.Secrets often cause emotional pain that just stays there and never gets better. But speaking the truth into the open allows you to face that pain, admit it, and work on getting better.
Plus, it forces everyone to confront reality, which is crucial for addressing issues and moving forward. Keeping a secret often means wanting to avoid seeing what’s really happening.
But when the truth is out in the open, it helps you face the facts and understand what’s really going on, which is a big step toward fixing the problems and moving on with our lives.
Also, it helps build trust and improve communication in the family.Revealing a family secret shows that you want to be honest and talk openly. It helps family members feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings while knowing that everyone is committed to fixing the problems and being honest.
Cons:
Revealing a sensitive secret can cause conflict and drama within the family.Sometimes, the truth can lead to arguments, hurt feelings, and disagreements. This is because family members may have different reactions to the secret, and those differences can clash, making things messier.
Furthermore, it can strain relationships and lead to estrangement. Family members may feel hurt, betrayed, and unable to trust each other after a secret is disclosed.
In some cases, it can lead to estrangement, where family members cut ties because they can’t handle the aftermath. The family is forever changed after such revelations.
Additionally, it can bring up difficult emotions that family members may not be ready to deal with. As mentioned above, family secrets are often buried for a reason, and when revealed, they can bring back complex and painful emotions that no one is ready to confront.
Moreover, the secret holder may carry a heavy emotional burden, feeling guilt or shame, especially if they believe it has harmed others. This adds complexity to the situation and affects their well-being.
When making the decision of whether or not to reveal family secrets, it is important to consider the following factors:
- The Nature of the Secret: Not all secrets are the same. Some carry more weight and potential harm than others.
- The age and maturity of the people involved: Younger children may not be able to handle the truth, while adults may be more prepared to deal with it.
- The potential consequences of revealing the secret: What are the risks of telling the truth? Are there any benefits involved? If there are no benefits, what could be the outcome?
- The relationship between the people involved: How will revealing the secret impact their relationships? Will it lead to better understanding and empathy, or will it strain relationships?
- Consider the emotions and well-being of the person holding the secret: How do they feel about maintaining the secret? Are they emotionally prepared to reveal it, or will doing so place a heavy burden on them?
Final thoughts on family secrets
In the end, family secrets can either make things better or cause more problems. Whether you tell a family secret or not is your choice, and it depends on the sensitivity and circumstances.
You should consider what might happen if you tell it and whether it’s worth it. One thing is for sure, though: talking and understanding one another is very important when dealing with family secrets.
Polyamory in African Communities: Taboo or a Personal Choice?
Polyamory is when people have romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with everyone involved knowing and consenting to it.
But, is it considered taboo, or is it seen as a personal choice? These questions are what we’ll be answering in this article.
